Titivil

radio host kevin james, dumber than box of hair

Fri, 16 May 2008 08:27:22 -0500

Dunno why I'm watching so much of the television this week, but I just want to share this with you, not so much for the "Hell yeah" of it, but mostly in case radio host Kevin James is googling himself, so he can find one more post taking the piss out of him.

Mr James appeared on Hardball last night, to bellow something about Obama and Neville Chamberlain, and was then worked over pretty good by host Chris Matthews. Because, as James began to yell about Chamberlain, Matthews responded with the Hardest Question Ever: "What did Neville Chamberlain do?" Against which there was apparently no defense, except for sputtering, and, I'm assuming off camera, blushing and flop sweat.

And, Kevin James, even worse than being mauled by Chris Matthews on live television for being a freakin' idiot is concurrently being lectured by Mark Green for the same reason. Mark Green! You freakin' idiot!

And if you, the reader, not Kevin James, are getting a little sick of our recent renewed obsession with things political, then please ignore the above link, and go watch this most excellent Tom Waits clip dug up by the Dad Who Is Grizzled.

why on earth is mccain invoking the october surprise?

Thu, 15 May 2008 12:30:01 -0500

I would assume that someone as mocked and derided as Sen. John McCain would have a better memory than this. In the volleying back and forth over who loves Nazis more, McCain jumps in:

“I believe that it’s not an accident that our hostages came home from Iran when President Reagan was president of the United States. He didn’t sit down in a negotiation with the religious extremists in Iran, he made it very clear that those hostages were coming home."

I do not have enough foreign policy experience to have much more than a barstool opinion on this issue (hurrah diplomacy!), but I am up on my history enough to call bullshit on McCain's assertion. If you're old enough to remember the background of the 1980 election, then you would remember this old saw (from Wikipedia, so, caveat emptor):

After the release of the hostages on the same day as Reagan's inauguration on January 20, 1981, some charged that the Reagan campaign made a secret deal with the Iranian government whereby the Iranians would hold the hostages until Reagan was inaugurated, ensuring that Carter would lose the election.

The point being that, while it's alleged that Reagan didn't "sit down in a negotiation with the religious extremists", pretty much everyone thought that he, or a functionary of his, did.

And even if you don't go in for the conspiracy theory, do keep in mind that the hostages were released on the same day as Ronald Reagan's inauguration. To imply that the foreign policy decisions of a man who was (until that day) nothing but an ex-governor of California with a sizable investment in Bryll Cream had something to do with the release of the hostages is deliberately confusing the order of events.

Unless the allegation is being made that Reagan's actions before he assumed the White House had something to do with the timing of the release, in which case it follows that there were back-channel discussions going on. Which would count as engaging the terrorists, which would count as appeasement, see option A.

I'm sure the palpable joy of saying the name "Reagan" on the campaign trail temporarily overwhelmed the senses of Sen. McCain, but Reagan's foreign policy had about as much to do with the hostages being released as I had to do with the fall of the Soviet Union.

Though I have to agree with Sen. McCain on one issue: I too believe that it was no accident that our hostages came home from Iran when Reagan was president.

kc green: you make good comics

Thu, 15 May 2008 11:44:31 -0500

In the interest of posting random comic strips only because they make you laugh out loud, I offer this specimen, the product of a gentleman who goes by the unlikely moniker "KC Green", and the rest of whose shit seems to be pretty decent.

I am posting this at the recommendation of a buddy of mine who sent me the link in an email with the subject line, "Because it's 2am and beer", which must have been an exaggeration, as all my "2am and beer" emails (which I have foresworn) look like they were typed with an oven mitt on my left hand and using my face instead of my right hand. And the syntax! Oh my goodness.

But hey. Remind me to tell you my turtle jokes.

oh, yeah, that war

Thu, 15 May 2008 09:15:59 -0500

In the course of your bouncing around the Internet, you will hear this or that about a Keith Olbermann "Special Comment" that he read at the end of his program last night. I know, "There goes Grampa again about those Special Comments he liked so much back when people still said 'Netroots'! Say hi to 2005 for us!"

And actually, I was kind of thinking the same thing (minus the Grampa part, when we were watching the teevee last night -- something like, "Do we really need another Special Comment? I think we get it, Keith."

But, having watched it, I will say that it was unique as among all the other Special Comments. Olbermann has already employed the newsreaderly indignity and the "how-dare-you" righteousness a number of times, but last night, he approached more of a state of incandescent outrage which just about broke my teevee in half (it's old).

The outrage, of course, can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on the whole subjectivity thing. For me (and I'm guessing for you) it's a good thing. It was all about the Iraq War, and how the president lied about giving up golf over it. It's hard to keep the Iraq War in the front of your mind during these extremely novel times of endorsements and exponentially more expensive gasoline, but if you can try to remember the Iraq War for just a second, and all those body bags, and what that trillion dollars could have been spent on, and then also remember the tone and content of anything that comes out of the president's mouth, then you'd want him to shut the (very small pause teasing a possible f-bomb) hell up too.

Video and transcript (and further comment from Rachel Sklar) here.

congrats travis childers

Wed, 14 May 2008 12:30:41 -0500

I don't trust indications of the Coming Political Landslide as a general rule -- mostly because I can think of a whole bunch of them from the past ten years that turned out to be less than accurate, which has considerably dimmed my optimism.

But if you do go in for such things, buried in last night's election results is news of the GOP's defeat in the third special election in a row. This time around, it happened in a Mississippi district that used to house the Representative that got kicked upstairs to replace a retiring Trent Lott in the Senate. The district in question (MS-1) is what you would call "blood-red", in the parlance of using colors to represent ideological tendencies that became popular in the past whatever, which means that a Democrat (Travis Childers is the new Representative's name) taking the seat is more than alarming. Especially in light of the fact that the GOP candidate ran the standard-issue "my opponent is close friends with Nancy Pelosi and Barrack Obama" as its primary tactic.

What some (see link below) are surmising from this is that the dissatisfaction with the Bush Administration is so profound that cynical voters are turning on campaigns that rely mostly on insinuation and calumny. It follows that, since the GOP doesn't have much else to run on this year, it does not bode well for their November prospects.

While I would cheer the end of the "God, guns and Gays" era of politicking (on grounds of lack of substance), I'll believe it when I see it.

But yeah, Travis Childers kicked some serious ass last night.

This DailyKos post is a useful roundup of reaction from the Conservative-leaning content outlets out there. Panic!

mulligan's -- warm beer, cold food, assholes

Tue, 13 May 2008 16:11:14 -0500

Finally someone's upset that I keep picking on West Virginia, a state that I am very fond of, even though it is peopled by caricatures (most of whom I'm somehow related to) -- and that someone is Cobb County, Georgia, who is all " Look at me! Look at me!" A couple more bar owners like swell-guy Mike Norman, comparing Sen. Obama to a monkey, and we're gonna totally forget where WV is on a map.

It's gonna be totally excellent and interesting to see what kind of "free speech" will shake out once Sen. Obama is the candidate proper -- like a time capsule back to the 50s.

But this is also why God invented "the light of day".

[Via DailyKos, though it's pretty much everywhere now.]

old crazy racist mountaineers

Tue, 13 May 2008 12:32:44 -0500

Why do I keep posting links incriminating to the state in which I was born? Like this one:

Seriously, West Virginia, we are going to give you back to Virginia unless you can demonstrate that you can handle statehood again. And no one wants that.

Maybe because my parents are both super-reasonable, and have no offensive beliefs that I've had to attempt to correct by publicly embarrassing them? That could be it -- finally, a chance to be the good son.

Or, maybe I'm just pointing out all the old crazy racist people quick before they die, and exist only as memories, and exhibits in the Museum of Old Crazy Racist People.

Whichever. This is a car wreck I'm having trouble pulling my eyes from.

do not quit day jobs, burglars

Tue, 13 May 2008 11:44:20 -0500

I do love the "crime doesn't pay" stories that run in the papers not frequently enough. In fact, I think shame could be a very valuable tool in discouraging petty thievery and dimestore street crime. so it's good to see knuckleheads get their fifteen minutes. Today's version -- burglars foiled by tech-savvy victim, who remotely snaps the perps pics from with the camera in her stolen laptop.

As a one-time victim of a burglary: have some, shitbirds, and have a nice day, in jail.

Plus also, mug shots are included in the post, so the two gentlemen can now be recognized all over the city by law-abiding citizens as world-class stupidists. Why, that would make it twice that they were delivered justice from the bitch goddess, Technology. In that case, have some more, shitbirds.

as goes west virginia, so goes, well, no one

Tue, 13 May 2008 08:47:51 -0500

I'm trying to conjure up some point of pride in the probable outcome in today's West Virginia primary -- Sen. Clinton doubling up on Sen. Obama.

I do hate the piling on the West Virginians for the obvious things (other than the egregious), so I'm going to try to look at this positively, and not evidence of a contrarian state full of voters who will do something just because you tell them to do the other thing, taking the brave stand against that black guy who wants to build a mosque on the White House lawn.

Um, "We'd hate to see you go home empty-handed, Sen. Clinton, so tell her what she's won, Johnny!"

That's about the best I can do , I think.

thanks for nothing, carmike cinemas

Mon, 12 May 2008 12:22:58 -0500

So we saw "Iron Man" last night, and cue the good news/bad news:

The good news is that the movie is very good. It passed the me-and-my-wife test, which is almost like passing the me-and-my-folks test, but not quite as unequivocal. She remarked, "It's something what hiring a couple of good actors to be in one of these comic book movies will do," and she was dead on with that. Now, in perspective, this is not that much of good news, really -- "Blockbuster movie really good!" -- but it did imbue us with a satisfied happiness at least for the duration of the drive home, so let's hear it for little victories.

The bad news is, well, that movie-going in these modern days is a singularly joyless experience. I may be guilty of under-attending the movie houses over the past bunch of years (for which I blame digital cable), but, damn, other than the movie itself, that was whole bunch of not-fun. Big dirty multiplex, popcorn and sodas that were priced in Euros, and fifteen minutes of commercials preceding the previews. Wasn't there a time not too long ago that fifteen minutes in your local cinema would have precipitated riots? Is there not some flaw in the logic that I pay you money to sit in your premises for you to show me commercials? And to UCLA, who apparently held some contest for its film school directors, with the winner to be screened in front of features across the country -- that's not a short film, that's a commercial for Coca-Cola, so go fuck yourself.

I am a little unfamiliar with the economics of the film exhibition industry, but I am familiar with the phenomenon of a rapacious industry squeezing every dollar out of a consumer until they are left with no option but laughing while the industry burns.

And as a sidenote, how will I end these sudden rants when no one remembers who Andy Rooney is? Ah, fuck it -- I may be bitchy, but I'm right.

west virginia: where surnames are misspelled

Fri, 09 May 2008 16:14:37 -0500

Hey, I'm from there! Though it's been a couple of decades, I most certainly am a product of the great state of West Virgina, where I spent some formative years around people like this:

"Is he Islamic or is he not?" [some dude from Wayne, WV named] Pasley says of Obama, who is Christian. "I know he's tried to talk about it but he hasn't looked anybody in Wayne in the eye and told them."

Oof. Okay, that's not exactly how I remember it. I guess kind of like that -- there was a whole lotta looking people in the eye -- but about seventy-five percent less imbecile.

I've never been to Wayne, but, looking it up, it's only 10 miles or so from the city that my mom was born and raised in. I'll have to ask her about the mysterious eyeball-driven Islamo-dar possessed by Wayne natives.

clinton's devolution into "look-at-me"

Fri, 09 May 2008 08:59:01 -0500

After reading yesterday of Sen. Clinton's latest foray into offensiveness -- her assertion that implies that Sen. Obama's support consists of the lazy blacks of America -- I was kind of expecting to see many many pages today of outrage, condemnation, grumpy-pants, etc. But after a quick morning spin around the Internet, I'm not seeing it. Oh sure, it's not passing without mention, but I woulda thought that Hillary breaking the proxy-barrier in the playing of the race card would have merited a little more shrillness.

But you know why not? Because we're all sick to death of the bullshit. The Clinton campaign could burn a cross on the front lawn of the Obamas, and, at this point, the reaction would be a labored sigh, and a "Whatevs" to all that.

I wouldn't be surprised if this final act of the Clinton campaign is not an expression of desperate tactics, but rather a poli sci experiment in "What Can Be Gotten Away With". Which, if this is the case, would go a long way to rebuilding the good will that's she's been burning like a bunch of Velveteen Rabbits.

creepy floating thing

Thu, 08 May 2008 08:32:02 -0500

This is by no means as creepy as the creepy gnome, but it's only a couple days (instead of months) old, which makes it nearly of marrying age in Internet years (instead of fossilized) -- so have some creepy vaguely human-shaped floating thing.

And just because it's not as creepy as the creepy gnome, well, come on -- it's still pretty cool. Dunno if you're childhood was partially spent what it would be like to be able to fly (as mine was), but I'm guessing it would be something like that.

Why is it that these videos are never from Cleveland, or Asheville, NC?

[LATER THAT DAY] Turns out I'm way off base on the timeliness of the footage of the creepy vaguely human-shaped floating thing -- not only did Griz unearth an earlier posting of the video, he also wrote about it -- about a year ago.

My fault for not paying attention.

Though kudos to both of us for not making the standard Mexico/aliens joke that you'd expect either of us to make.

also: what does osama bin laden think about this?

Wed, 07 May 2008 08:48:55 -0500

So, I'm reading all kinds of stories about how the primaries in North Carolina and Indiana went last night, but I'm noticing a glaring omission -- no one is reporting on what Rev. Jeremiah Wright thinks about all this!!!

How can you have fair coverage of an election without comment from the retired pastor of one of the candidate's church? I guess the media fix is still in.

(To be fair, I also didn't see comment from the heirs of Vince Foster -- come on, medias! Step to it!)

sorry for all the political bitching/moaning

Tue, 06 May 2008 08:42:00 -0500

This obsessive attention I'm giving the Democratic primary is making me all shrill and first-person, which is not how I like to be for the purposes of this electronic publication. So let's talk about my little dog, Asta, for a moment.

How is the little dog? Well, between you and me, she's worried sick about the Democratic primary. Even though my little dog promised to be relatively neutral until the nominee was decided, she was so disgusted by the Clinton campaign that she picked sides. And she is even more worried that the Clinton campaign, which is the as conventional, by-the-numbers, mud-slinging, pandertastic as any campaign in the past thirty years, will not so much split the Democratic Party as it will usher in a new age of idiocracy where elections are decided by which candidate is the quickest to denounce those scientists or professors whose policy recommendations interfere with the electorate's access to free VOD, or cheap intoxicants.

My little dog is aware that the question of electability is now "in play" in the primary -- although mostly because of the confluence of a weak-willed press and a campaign following the Campaign Playbook of Karl Rove (with a forward by the ghost of Lee Atwater). About this, my little dog, Asta, says that if you really want to see the issue of electability come into the play, just let Clinton back into the nomination by orchestrating the deforestation of the Obama campaign, especially with regard to the number of votes Clinton will receive in November, from my little dog, and those who generally agree with my little dog.

I keep telling her that it's unreasonable, but I'm just not quite sure that my little dog can hold her nose long enough to pull a Clinton lever in a voting booth at any time in the near future.

Even worse, I suspect that my little dog may be losing her sense of humor over the whole thing.