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February 18, 2006

apology denied

Friday ended up being a travel day, so I missed some good stuff.  For example, the unadulterated novelty of a 78 year old man apologizing for being shot inna face.

Which reminds me, I forgot to apologize to the shitbirds who creeped my apartment a few years ago, and the further shitbirds who stole my friend's car from in front of my buiding.  Shitbirds: I'm really sorry, sorry for the anguish that your crimes must've cost you.

I'm also very, very sorry to those bullies who mocked me in an incessant fashion back in grade school.  I am sorry that my sitting-duck like naivete gave you grounds for bullying.  It must have been traumatizing making fun of my last name, throwing my lunch into the creek, etc.  I'm so sorry.

This feels pretty nice -- all that would improve the experience would be a couple hours of make-up to hide my being-shot-inna-face wounds and some methamphetamines to make me look spryer than usual.

It is very heartwarming that the Vice President has taken a stand, and made the world a little bit more tolerant of people who shoot other people in the face.

Posted by mrbrent at 3:24 PM

February 16, 2006

helen thomas

It's true.  Right after my wife on the list of eternal hotness stands Helen Thomas, who chewed up and spat out Hugh Hewitt on his little radio show.

Which only serves the talentsuck Hewitt right for trying to ambush her in the first place.

Sadly, Tea Leoni moves to number three.

Posted by mrbrent at 2:52 PM

February 15, 2006

yep

No, I didn't find this one, and it wasn't in the Yahoo! headline box.  It's just a headline.  I'm offering it without comment.
U.N. Guards Dump Where Vote Boxes Found

Like I say, I didn't find it.  Someone over there in links section did, so click all of them.

Now, dammit!

Posted by mrbrent at 2:47 PM

i've got a wild cheney i just can't shake

I assume the conservative Bush Republican response to Cheney's weekend is supportive of Cheney, his leadership and his decision-making.  I wouldn't know.  I only troll the Limbaughs and the Coulters of the world when circumstance so conspires.  But hey, it's a bright shiny day, so I will go one step farther than assuming -- I strawman that the fierce yappity lapdags of the powerful who consume hours and hours of each days terrestrial broadcasts are up in arms at how the liberals are trying to take political advantage of a tragedy, a tiny hunting accident that happens practically every hunting trip, an event that is neither news nor pertinent to the affairs of state, and if this Texas lawyer dies, it will be the liberals fault!

Yes, that is exactly how I hear them, in my head.  And now that I have laid out their position, I will respond.

Firstly, please keep a straight face when you accuse of exploiting tragedy for political gain, as college students have long ago stopped drinking a shot every time you say "9-11" for fear of dying of liver shock.

But most importantly, Dick Cheney is the Vice President, and therefore, as they say, a (mechanically assisted) heartbeat away from the presidency.  So, while a hunting accident might not be much news, it is very much news when the Vice President shoots a 78 year old dude not only inna face, because, plainly, one would like to be assured that a man who is a heartbeat from the presidency can be trusted with a firearm without, oh, shooting anybody.

Further to that, I'd think that Bush Republicans would like to have a Vice President that can successfully cover up a shooting accident without botching the cover-up so badly that it becomes above-the-fold news.  For starters, yes?

I'm happy to say that I've kicked the ass of the imaginary people who disagree with me and whose argument I concocted.  Yes!

[FURTHER: My strawman, he is stander stronger and prouder now that I've squeezed a few minutes of surfing in.  For examples, read Wolcott here and here.]

Posted by mrbrent at 9:50 AM

February 14, 2006

holy moley

Gosh, everything I read said that the injuries to the 78 year old dude who got shot inna face by the Vice President were superficial.  You know, "just a flesh wound," as they say.

Come to find out, it's also "just a flesh wound" in the Monty-Pythonian sense.  One of the shotgun pellets (that are about as dangerous as a soft fluffy pillow, as you would think reading the coverage) has lodged in the heart of the 78 year old dude who got shot inna face by the Vice President.  Lodged in the heart.

Amazing how the Vice President can't even have a hunting accident without it appearing nefarious?

Oh, that's right -- he shot a 78 year old dude, and apparently not just inna face.

I hope 78 year old dude who got shot not jsut inna face by the Vice President recovers; the criminal charges that should be filed against the Vice President will have to wait for him in Hell.

Posted by mrbrent at 1:44 PM

noooooo

The Yahoo! Headline Container raises an important question:
• Pakistan cartoon protesters riot, burn KFC

Why must our fast food franchises suffer for our bad behavior?

Better yet: why is it that when we riot, we forget to burn the fast food franchises?

Posted by mrbrent at 1:39 PM

bad time for sick day

I so totally hate myself for being sick yesterday.  The Vice President shoots someone inna face and I can't make it to the Internets for a day, and now I bet all the good jokes have already been made.

I will say this:  I've read that the victim, the old dude who got shot inna face by a sitting vice president who was beforehand already a hair's width from indictment unrelated to shooting someone inna face, has claimed that it was his own fault he got shot inna face and not the Vice President's.  Although I am no hunter, my dad is and has taught me a lot about it, plus also I've been around a firearm or two.  The only possible way that it is the victim's fault in a shooting accident is if the shooter is hunting for something that stands about five or six feet tall at the shoulder and has flourescent orange coloring.

Otherwise, this 78 year old guy somehow can move faster than the Vice President's trigger finger.

Hopefully, the next time someone from the Bush Administration shoots someone inna face, I will not be sick, and wil be able to try to get in the good ones on a timely basis.

Posted by mrbrent at 10:27 AM