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May 31, 2006
them suckas can mail
Finally, an idea that is dumber than building a wall across the Mexican border: Mailing bricks to congressman to make your thoughts known about said wall.You'd think that an electorate that basks in the warm glow of the hagiography of Ronald Reagan would realize that walls are traditionally something the good guys tear down, instead of build. (See Wall, Berlin) But no. Somehow, a bunch of crypto-racists decided that the best way to protect the middle class and stop the erosion of good jobs is to build a freaking wall. Now, when jobs leave the country, they'll have to dig a tunnel, or jump real high.
And so on, until you arrive at mailing bricks. I hope that the manufacturing industries that have shipped their jobs overseas will feel duly regretful seeing American ingenuity at work. With the brick-mailing.
Credit where credit is due, however -- if anyone can take an innocent brick and imbue it with the threat of racial violence, it's these border hawks. I have a feeling that each of these bricks was actually dragged behind someone's pickup before it was mailed.
Posted by mrbrent at 11:19 AM
May 30, 2006
engagement is the new badass
I'm not sure, but I think I had what feels like a nearly original thought about our foreign policy. I'm as shocked as you are.I haven't heard this said out loud yet (and maybe I'm just not paying attention), but it seems to me that the hangover that follows a couple years of bingeing on unilateral unprovoked armed pre-retaliation is the unvoiced belief that if you attempt to solve an international issue with anything less than military force, then you, as a nation, are some kind of pussy. And this is more than a tenet of the Bush Administration foreign policy -- it is a cudgel they use to beat their critics.
Take Iran, for example. The bigger indications (ignoring wire service exaggerations of President Ahmadinejad -- you know, "Iran hates Santa Claus, Ahmadinejad sez" and that sort) are that Iran is interested in de-escalating tensions over its nuclear capability. Meanwhile, rumors abound that military action against Iran is a foregone conclusion by the Administration, and overtures from Tehran fall on deaf ears. It could be argued that the military action is inevitable because it is as much of a policy goal as is hampering Iran's WMD capabilities. I would go further and say that the Bush Administration obsession with use of force is more than a policy goal -- it's a rigid posture that they cannot disengage from. They cannot countenance engagement as a policy any more than they can admit responsibility and apologize.
Of course, there is also the sideways thought that the largest reason that the Administration avoids peaceful negotiations is that the Halliburtons and other military contractors don't make a dime from peace. A bad war, however, brings in hundreds of billions for them to misappropriate. Not that I'd imply a causal relationship between the desires of military contractors and the aims of the Bush Administration -- instead, I'd aver it.
I guess the initial rush of fear has dissipated, the night sweats that broke out when it looked like the Department of Defense was dead set on detonating a nuke in Iran. I don't know if cooler heads prevailed, or if it was just the silliest trial balloon ever. Whichever. There's still a diplomatic situation that has arisen w/r/t nuclear power and our untrammeled right to be the arbiter of all things nuclear, and I'm a big fan of engagement to resolve it. Seems like the more civilized thing to do, and I'm not even draft age or anything.
I just try to keep on being a big fan of civilization.
Posted by mrbrent at 02:18 PM
prosper
I just want to throw this one out there. There is a new business concern here on the internets, called Prosper. I ran across references to it in three different places in two days (most significantly at Boing Boing), so I pretty much was forced to look into it.Basically Prosper is eBay configured as a financial institution -- p2p lending. You post your desire to borrow money, and other individuals just like you make you an offer.
I haven't used Prosper yet (and can't say that I would), but doesn't it seem to you that Prosper could dent the business of commercial lenders in the same way that Amazon has dented the business of bookstores?
Further, wouldn't damaging the business of commercial lenders (and their pernicious cousins, credit card companies) be something to take to the streets and dance and sing about?
Posted by mrbrent at 10:20 AM
May 28, 2006
no appeasement of global warming!
Media Matters finds it alarming that an global warming skeptic would compare Al Gore to Hitler. I find it a bit more alarming that this dude would try to compare the environment to Jews:Gore believed in global warming almost as much as Hitler believed there was something wrong with the Jews.
So crackpot scientist (he doesn't get his name written, no) is concerned that Al Gore is going to embark on an ambitious campaign to exterminate millions of... environments? Global warmings?
That is a damn long way to go to drop a Hitler bomb on someone. Is there some form of ad hominem that is above and beyond normal ad hominem? The stench of the rhetorical desperation is deafening, in a smell-type way.
But, as long as we're toying with ad hominem, let me add that this non-name skeptic dude's cogent and reasoned scientific arguments remind one only of a necrophiliac lamb-raper.
Posted by mrbrent at 03:04 PM
May 26, 2006
god on lay: goodbye, shitbird
I'm a day late on the Lay/Skilling conviction. I was "away from the computer", as they say -- actually, mostly behind the wheel of a car, where I learned that a) the dude who won "American Idol" said, "Come on, America!" right after winning, and b) winger radio talk show hosts are spooked by Al Gore and global warming, and they can't decide which of Gore and global warming is more ridiculous and/or Micheal Moore-like. But that's all neither here nor there.So, yes, I'm as happy as anyone else that Lay and Skilling were found guilty, as the argument against their guilt was pretty cavalier, something like, "Billionaires can't be bothered by anything as pedestrian as actually running a company." In lieu of heel-clicking, I offer a quote from Kenneth Lay on the steps of the courthouse yesterday:
We belive that God in fact is in control and indeed He does work all things for good for those who love the Lord.
Dude, you just let God hoist you by your own petard!
Posted by mrbrent at 11:02 AM
come on, 7:45 is early
I wonder how many of the kajillions of blogs post something about being woken up by jack-hammering at 7:45a on any given day? Surely it must be more than one, yes?Or is that a little too 2003?
[Later that day.] Ice cream truck outside my office window! Uhhrrrrr!
See? It's like I'm "liveblogging".
Posted by mrbrent at 10:16 AM
May 24, 2006
WAMU wants your business in the Philippines
Remember a bank called Washington Mutual? A few years ago they announced to the world that they were going to stop charging ATM fees. Yes, no matter what institution you were withdrawing from, WAMU would not charge you the $1.50 or $2.00 that any other bank would. And then they rolled out an advertising campaign publicizing the promotion.I fell for it, sure. Outrageous ATM fees have long been one of my favorite diatribes, and if one bank was finally going to waive them, then I'm going to vote with my wallet. I was even thinking about changing banks, to further reward WAMU.
Unfortunately, it was not just a promotion -- it was a bait and switch. Last autumn, after a year or two of no-fee ATMs, WAMU quietly announced that it was pulling the plug. In the future, a $2 charge for third party use of WAMU's machines (which is actually the high end of fees, yes?).
My aggregated good will pretty much evaporated. Thankfully I hadn't switched my checking account, or I would've had to switched it back.
So here it is, a half year later. Yahoo! Headline Box, tell WAMU what they've won:
• Washington Mutual lays off 1,400 workers
I guess business looks down for WAMU. Or does it? From the story:
[Spokesman Darcy] Donahoe-Wilmot said the layoffs were "part of our strategy announced last year to move back-office jobs to lower-cost locations." In November, the company said it planned to increase the number of offshore jobs from about 1,600 then to about 6,000 by the end of 2007, she said.
So it is not so much the case that WAMU's bungled promotions have hurt the bottom line. Instead, not satisfied with only screwing consumers, WAMU decided to also screw with some of its employees.
No worries. I'm sure that shareholder value is being increased, and capitalism is safe.
Posted by mrbrent at 09:35 AM
May 23, 2006
i can't stop linking roy edreso
Maybe you've heard of the small cultural backlash against Hollywood. Well, I haven't heard about it so much -- I guess I've read about it, or read other people writing about it. Apparently, the Michael Medveds (and the other crazies who aren't so single issue as Medved) of the world are all up in the arms about the motion picture industry's war against all that is moral in America. Funny enough, all the conservative-trending people in my life (hello, extended family!) don't seem to have quite the same problem. They get pretty annoyed when some whippersnappers get chatty onna cell during the Saturday matinee, but that's about the extent of it. Really, who can say? If the wordy guys get all wordy about it, then let's call it a backlash.Anyhoo, if you, like me, don't have the time or the stomach to read the source texts of this (outraged!) cultural backlash, then please go again to Roy Edreso for his spelunking of the winger hangouts and resulting evisceration.
If you click through, you will discover the terrible secret first draft of the Beach Boys' "Wouldn't It Be Nice".
Posted by mrbrent at 05:26 PM
i love 'immigration debates'
I have some questions. I understand that there is this debate -- some even call it a great debate -- concerning immigration that's all the rage in the news organizations and talk shows that constitute what some designate hopefully as "The National Conversation". I haven't paid much attention to it, but I have it on good authority. I'm not sure why it's known as an "immigration" debate, as a) it doesn't seem to much affect the ebb and flow of immigrants from Western Europe, or even, say, India, and b) it seems much more a debate about how much hate can we expend on the brown people and still have enough hate left over to remain hateful.I don't pay attention to it much because I don't believe in it. I actually don't believe it exists. I think it's a hoax. I think there are some that are predisposed to not like people who don't look or act like them, and then there are some who are cheesed off that market forces have squeezed them out of a specific career because market forces really don't give a shit about you. These people are very vocal supporters of "immigration reform" (i.e., interment camps, giant walls, etc.), but I really don't think there are that many of them. And yet the "debate" rages -- how tall should the wall be? In which language should we sing "Freebird"?
So, yeah, here are the questions I have. First of all, whose freaking idea was it that the "immigration debate" would become the central debate of our limited current-events bandwidth? Forget our economy, the evisceration of the middle class and our meaningless nation-building misadventures -- aren't there some white women missing on some tropical islands somewhere?
Follow-up: this hypothetical person who is steering our national debate -- how are they doing it? Is it a really big phone tree? Some kind of collective subsconcious (from some world where immigration is actually a pressing issue)? A powerful psychic? Encoded behavior control through the fluoride in the water? Whichever. It must be some external mechanism. No one beyond the crazified 20% cares about this with or without Lou Dobbs screaming his block head off. And I want this technology. I work in an office. Too much spare time for mischief not to have this tech.
Finally, is it really that hard to snap out of it? Come on, we all had that one bad relationship with the freakshow we initially got ga-ga over, that one Hollywood bomb we dragged our friends to because we fell for it, that one CD that was gonna rock hell-hard and instead schnocked. Sometimes we make mistakes. That's what makes the cheese more binding. So can we just put this Great Immigration Debate to bed? Sensible people can move on to something more vital to the fibre of our nation (like haterizing on gays!) and the crypto-racist border hawks can find some other bedsheet to wrap themselves in as they murder Mexicans.
Momentary lapses of reason exist yet, citizens, and there is no shame in them. Claim dim-cap, apologize sheepishly, but please for the sake of all that is holy can we focus on something else now?
Posted by mrbrent at 09:36 AM
May 22, 2006
ray nagin is the ray nagin of my heart
I'd like to congratulate Ray Nagin. And not for purposes of sarcasm, neither. I am very comfortable with the fact that Ray Nagin remains the mayor of New Orleans, and I wish that he could be mayor of any number of cities, simultaneously.I got the news in a Circle K in Cuyahoga Falls, OH, Saturday night, as a lady in front of me asked the teen behind the counter if they had any whipped cream. The TV in the store was tuned to CNN, and they were liveblogging Nagin's victory speech -- er, broadcasting, of course. Outside, it was Cuyahoga Falls, OH. The Circle K did not have any whipped cream. The news of Mayor Nagin's reelection really took the sting out of the whole situation.
I like Mayor Nagin. I am not afraid of a Chocolate City, nor am I embarrassed for of a man who invokes a Chocolate City. He presided over the destruction of a major American city with sincerity and frustration and grace. In the intervening days between the Hurricane and FEMA's rediscovery of its mission statement, Nagin was human and angry and reassuring.
Of course, there are others that do not like Mayor Nagin. Some thought that New Orleans needed more a Mayor Giuliani than a Mayor Nagin. Nope, sorry. True, Guiliani would've had more peoples of color to push around, but his Winston Churchill act wouldn't have saved New Orleans any more than it allowed him to postpone NYC mayoral elections in late 2001. Mayor Nagin is now the public face of New Orleans, and I hope he has some luck.
For extra bonus fun, go read Roy Edreso musing on the winger reaction to Nagin's reelection -- namely, accusations of NOLA "squandering" national goodwill, and threats to the people of NOLA to "get their act together". I would like my writing to bring "feckless pissant thug" too, I really would.
Posted by mrbrent at 11:49 AM
May 17, 2006
unless you mean in the sense of 'being held responsible'
This is the lead sentence from this morning's TPMMuckraker:Criminal probes, convictions, and halfhearted "reformist" posturing by members is having a chilling effect on the Washington status quo, Roll Call reports.
I don't want to harp on TPMMuckraker too much, as I am a big fan of their muckraking, but as long as we're talking about the slush fund of graft, bribery and illegal financing that is K Street, I would advise that "chilling effect" is a big don't-say.
Let's reserve "chilling effect" for its more apt meaning -- "the effect of discouraging otherwise permissible behavior".
If the K Street Project qualifies as "otherwise permissible behavior", then go ahead and throw me in jail with Duke Cunningham, Michael Scanlon and Jack Abramoff. I'll save space for Reps. Bob Ney, Conrad Burns and John Doolittle.
"Chilling effect" is not synonymous with "appropriate law enforcement activities".
And no, wingers, I did not include Reps. Allan Mollohan and William Jefferson on the list of soon-to-be-shitbirds. Not because they are Democrats, and not because they aren't going to be shitbirds, because they might, but rather because they did not need the K Street Project to be corrupt. They did it all on their own.
Posted by mrbrent at 11:52 AM
clearing the link brush
Time for some housework. I'm cleaning out the links. There's no need to link to a site that everyone's Aunt Fanny already links to on their MySpace page, right? So I've applied a certain standard of ubiquity, and if it's a blog or left-wing site that's signed a book contract or guested on a Sunday morning talkshow, it's been yanked. Exceptions: Olbermann, because his posts are very good (the two posts a month he churns out), and Maud Newton, because Maud Newton is a friend of mine, and you watch your mouth.I'm also putting The Blotter at the top of the newsy links over there. I swear to God a week ago I'd barely heard of The Blotter. Then Brian Ross breaks the story that his Deep Throat warned him to get new cellphones, and I and everyone else landed there. I clicked around, and it hit me -- Brian Ross and his posse are journalists. Like, journalists as they used to be in those old movies where everyone talks real fast. Ross and his crew break news. They have sources. They investigate. The Blotter team are each wearing a piece of paper in their respective hatbands that says "Scoop", and this is why I am giving them all this Wednesday morning love.
Also new surpise. Not so surprising, but useful.
It's these admin posts that really put the "ogg" into "blogging".
Posted by mrbrent at 10:13 AM
May 16, 2006
i think it must be a con
Haven't seen much in the way of fun stuff, what with bears eating monkeys and all. So then, let's go dark.In the same vein of the President's courageous offer to give undocumented immigrants a check for $100 if they leave (or whatever he said last night), them with the rabid paranoia over our unregistered friends (we will call them 'border hawks') have been amping up the ugly rhetoric. Here, a selection from a WorldNetDaily article (via Steve Gillard's NEWS BLOG):
If it took the Germans less than four years to rid themselves of 6 million Jews, many of whom spoke German and were fully integrated into German society, it couldn't possibly take more than eight years to deport 12 million illegal aliens, many of whom don't speak English and are not integrated into American society.
I find it hard to believe that anyone, even a border hawk, could subscribe, in print, to the Adolph Hitler School of Population Management, but there you go.
It may not be fair to pull the comments of one border hawk out of context to paint all the other border hawks as eeeevil, no. I accept that logic. But, if that statement is true, is it also unfair to let one craven, Holocaust-referencing statement go unnoticed, in fairness to the breadth of opinions of all the border hawks? I don't think so. And I'm sure there is some writing from a border hawk that is an inclusive message of hope and love to immigrants -- a message that will counter-balance message of small-minded xenophobic hate. There must be one out there.
I'd look for it right now, but I'm too busy giggling as the GOP struggles to accommodate its Holocaust reimplementation faction. Bird, meet roost.
Also, two extraneous points concerning the screed in question. First, in the original WorldNetDaily piece, the author refers to "Mexican nationals who have helped lower America's wage rates by 16 percent over the last 32 years". It is very interesting to me the skewed understanding of cause and effect that these little rageballs have. American wages drop over time, and the blame resides with someone other than the party that actually pays the wage? Dude, cheap labor is not why you lost your landscaping gig. You lost your landscaping gig because your boss fired you, and he fired you because he found some marginalized class that would work for less than you. Blame the boss, or blame the employer. Blame "market forces", if you want to be accurate. But don't blame the poor fella who's willing to work for less than you. Someday someone cheaper will come along (like a robot), and your immigrant friend will be as out of a job as you are.
Second, for argument's sake, the six million Jews over four years hypothesis may hold true, but please keep in mind that the end of this four years was marked by the fall of Germany. And the suicide/apprehension of those responsible. So be careful what you wish for, Hateface.
Posted by mrbrent at 01:48 PM
blind spot
Yesterday I got pretty worried. Brian Ross, the Chief Investigative Correspondent of ABC, reported that a "senior federal law enforcement official" had warned him that the Administration had been tracking their phone calls to anonymous sources. Hours later, Ross followed up with confirmation from the FBI that the phone records of reporters were being targeted:Officials say the FBI makes extensive use of a new provision of the Patriot Act which allows agents to seek information with what are called National Security Letters (NSL).The NSLs are a version of an administrative subpoena and are not signed by a judge. Under the law, a phone company receiving a NSL for phone records must provide them and may not divulge to the customer that the records have been given to the government.
This news gave me the freaking heebie jeebies. Sure, I've been making "1984" jokes for the past years, but I don't think that even George Orwell could conceive something as rights-abridging and ominously-named as a "National Security Letter". Big Brother reminds you that the innocent have nothing to fear, you panty-waist reporters.
Today, though, I am reassured. After sleepless moments last night, thinking about the various intelligence apparati tracking down whistleblowers for silencing, I bought the New York Times first thing. You know, so I could read more on this important breaking news story.
So I checked the front page, and then flipped through the National Section. I then reread the whole section again, this time including the International Section. Pouring over pages A-1 through A-26, I could find no mention. Not word one.
Therefore, it didn't happen.
And to think that I got all worried.
Posted by mrbrent at 10:42 AM
May 15, 2006
extree, extree, read all about it
I didn't really think this morning was creepy, but the Yahoo! Rectangular Headline Container disagrees:• Baby's hand severed at chocolate factory
In lieu of the four or five working punchlines from this stance, I would like to thank Yahoo! for the "news". Baby fans everywhere are appalled, and chocolate fans are shocked.
Also, if Yahoo! is going to waste our eyeball-time with "news", they could at least try not to go there, icky-wise.
Posted by mrbrent at 10:03 AM
May 12, 2006
you will not forget new orleans
You know how some internet dudes will fashion a post on their website where the payoff is not explicit, but rather some hyperlinked piece of text? I think I've done this sometimes. I got to thinking, though, in the course of my morning surf, people just don't actually click those links. I certainly don't (sorry, Atrios). Sometimes you already know what the link refers, sometimes you can guess and sometimes you just don't care.So, hypothetically, if I were to offer up a post along the lines of:
Hey, I know everyone's relatively comfortable in our righteous fight against overpowering evil, and the Mets are doing pretty good, and this summer is going to be the one we actually take a vacation, and oh my god i just got slapped inna face!
There would be a pretty good chance that you wouldn't click through. So, in case you don't feel like checking it out, it is a link to a DailyKos diary that contains photographs taken recently in the Ninth Ward of New Orleans. I'm sure you've seen TV news stories or read coverage of the rebuilding of New Orleans, but the photographs look like they were taken on the set of a movie about how a major urban center was destroyed by a hurricane and then abandoned.
It's just one of those things that outrages you in a way that makes all of the other outrages you occupy yourself with seem less outrageous and makes you feel stupid you haven't been keeping NOLA as your primary outrage all along.
Remember, not only is the Bush Administration the first to lose a city, it also, after eight and a half months, still can't fucking find it.
Posted by mrbrent at 11:29 AM
May 11, 2006
tony snow, enter pointing fingers
I know, you've barely gotten over Scott McClellan. It's not going to be the same with Scotty gone. I believe that we can all learn something from Scotty -- namely, that a doughy, imperturbable prevaricator can serve as an excellent distraction from the actual issues of the day. So here, have one last taste of Scotty. He gets no more ink until the inevitable shitty autobiography comes out.And in case you thought that Scotty's successor, Fox News talking head Tony Snow (really, you can't type 'Tony Snow' without first typing 'Fox News talking head'), was going to continue McClellan's practice of absorbing all press corps attention so that it doesn't reach the President, you are mistaken. First indications are in, and where Scotty was The Tree That Bends But Does Not Break, Snow looks to be The Mother-In-Law That Shrieks Like A Harpy About Your Unfair Coverage. Snow has commenced with the whining to the news organizations about negative stories, etc.
I think that Fox news talking head Tony Snow will discover that an unabashedly conservative Fox News talking head can get away with all kinds of things that a White House Press Secretary cannot get away with, inasmuch as news organizations don't feel the need to respond directly to puny unabashedly conservative Fox News talking heads. When a Press Secretary tries to go for the ticky-tack talking point "Your coverage is biased" bitchslaps, the press corps will (hopefully) slap back.
Which will bring much novelty, and novelty is about the only consolation we get these days to the atrocities the Bush Administration perpetrates on us, and those other atrocities the Administration commits in our name.
Please, continue engaging the press corps in such constructive communication, Fox News talking head Tony Snow.
Posted by mrbrent at 04:36 PM
corn mo
I ran into Corn Mo on the train this morning. I used to participate in the live performance scene a bit more frequently a few years ago, and it was then that I met Corn Mo. Corn Mo, unlike me, is still chugging along. His website is here, and I advocate supporting Corn Mo in his endeavours, here in New York and around the country (for example, through the Midwest this June with the Pontani Sisters).Why am I all, like, "You must love Corn Mo"? His songs are mind-numbingly good, each a little rock opera nugget of super-condensed tune-craftery. Also, his time-traveling Abraham Lincoln act is the only act I've ever seen that made me laugh so hard that my teeth hurt.
My teeth hurt, I tell ya!
It was the chicklets that did it, I think.
Posted by mrbrent at 10:19 AM
May 10, 2006
another unfortunate surname
Breaking, in the Yahoo! Headline Corral:• Talabani urges unity among Iraq factions
Waitawhatsis, the Talabani? Those Afghani bastards who were choking off the world's heroin supply? The ones we invaded in 2001? Now they're picking sides in Iraq, when they're supposed to be sulking around, being defeated and everything?
Oh, wait. Not the Taliban. Talabani. Jalal Talabani, President of Iraq.
I propose a funny nickname for President Talibani to prevent further confusion (on my part). How does "The Magus" sound? Any nickname with a definite article is tops in my book.
Failing that, "Rerun"?
Posted by mrbrent at 05:54 PM
aren't you glad we didn't ice that little nutball?
Oh, how long for the days of last week. Remember when the jury declined the opportunity to fry the "20th terrorist" Zaccarias Moussaoui, and the resulting storm of melodrama? I don't about y'all's hometowns, but, here in NYC, local tabloids staged a pissing match to see who could puff their chest out the furthest while imagining the darkest date (excluding execution, natch) that would befall ZM. Sturdy conservatives whipped out their metaphorical pitchforks and torches, and bystanders were picking righteousness out of their teeth. Because that ZM cat was the only cat to stand trial for 9-11! And he confessed! Why won't you America-haters let us kill him already?Yes, that was some fun-ass melodrama.
I, however, was of the minority opinion that ZM was at worst the terrorist who couldn't fly straight and at best a crazy insane person whose only connection to Al Qaida was that of World's Biggest Fan (face it, there's no better way to meet new people and make new friends than by fighting the imperialist yankee running dogs). ZM's courtroom outbursts and convoluted statements were not so much of the evil genius variety, but more the petulant empty aggression of a thirteen year old whose folks won't buy him an XBox 360. Yeah, sure, he confessed and all that, but, dude, confessions have to be the least reliable evidentiary device of all -- worse than hearsay, worse than circumstantial evidence. I could confess to any number of things that I didn't do (oh, let's say the assassinations of JFK, MLK and RFK), and my confession would have pretty much nothing to do with my guilt. Of course, a confession is quite effective is the confession is from the guilty, but trying to determine someone's guilt based on a confession is absurd. How absurd? Well, is it any easier or harder to say "I did it" than it is to say "I didn't do it"?
Hell, let's ask ZM, who, after months of "I did it", decided to take "I didn't do it" out for dinner and a movie. Not only that, but ZM, after reviewing his most recent verdict, is a big, big fan of the U.S. legal system, and may he please have a retrial? Well, no, he may not. But it's great that he is a convert (albeit a late convert) to the jury by his peers. Though, if you think about it, a jury of his actual peers would have to consist of a dozen or so actual crazy insane people. Should be easy enough to scratch together here in New York, but, alas. Maybe next time.
Suffice it to say that the invisible robot that used to live in Ross Perot's teeth have taken up new residence. Hopefully, the invisible robot will keep ZM company in the years to come, as he contemplates new crimes to confess to, and then not.
Posted by mrbrent at 12:55 PM
super heroes will save world after all
It's funny how a little news of masked vigilantes with an altruistic bent can brighten my whole day. Workday, even.A GANG of anarchist Robin Hood-style thieves, who dress as superheroes and steal expensive food from exclusive restaurants and delicatessens to give to the poor, are being hunted by police in the German city of Hamburg.
Europe always has us beat for the flashy social statements. They get Dada; we get hippies. Sadly, if a baby-carrying rocket from Krypton ever does crash-land on Earth, it'll probably hit somewhere in Holland.
I can only hope that the Hamburg polizei are bumbling and inneffectual, as all cops chasing down Robin-Hood-do-gooders should be.
And I hope the poor of Hamburg are enjoying their Kobe beef, which is delicious.
[Via Boingity Boing.]
Posted by mrbrent at 10:48 AM
May 09, 2006
wonkette does not lynch rich cohen
I concur with Wonkette entirely concerning Rich Cohen's digital lynch mob:We’d do it, but, you know, we’re getting our digital rope and going after a guy who digitally looked at a white woman. With email!
I didn't know who Rich Cohen was before this small kerfluffle initially generated by the Colbert Incident. But now I do. Rich Cohen is a columnist for the Washington Post. He is like a cross between Andy Rooney and Cal Thomas, without the politics and/or charm. Also his feelings hurt easy.
And Cheers to Wonkette for vastly improving.
Posted by mrbrent at 12:33 PM
run from cell phones, cowards!
Perhaps you have someone in your life that sends out the alarmed e-mail mass forwards? In my life, it's a co-worker. This morning I was greeted with another one in my inbox, with the subject line "FW: Yikes!". Yet another victory for cynicism.The e-mail contained a link to this story. Basically, it details new kind of pollution -- "electronic smog", which is basically the invisible background of electromagnetic radiation (generated from radio transmissions, satellites, the electricity humming through your home, etc.) present in all our lives. Researchers are surmising that this phenomenon has ill effects on the health of homo sapiens.
While I'm grateful for the concern for the welfare of the workplace, I'm not quite sure what we're supposed to do, other than de-grid and Grizzly Adams it on some mountain top. This "smog" is not just about talking too long on a cell-phone. It's most basic source is the very power you use to juice your A/C and the tiny little hum coming from the CRT you're staring at. Is this some Promethean joke God is playing on us -- he will give us technology, but it will ultimately kill us? I've always said that technology is a bitch-goddess.
I shall remain on the "shall not panic" side of the issue. Remember that one of the more prevalent forms of electromagnetic radiation is visible light. No way to escape visible light. I'll take my chances.
Posted by mrbrent at 11:12 AM
May 08, 2006
good morning keith richards
The Yahoo! Box-Containing-Headlines keeps it as generic as possible:• Keith Richards undergoes head surgery
They did not just say "head surgery".
Was this just a sop to ageing Stones fans, promoting surgery of the head instead of the much-scarier "brain surgery"? Or was it instead to avoid use of the even-scarier "face surgery"?
I hope that Keith, and his head, pulls through.
Posted by mrbrent at 10:51 AM
May 07, 2006
bush, merkel, soul
I'm not sure where the President keeps hearing the purple prose that he, like a cute eighteen month old, appropriates at inappropriate times. But I wish like hell they would quit it. Sure, I like my novelty, but how can you impeach someone who's been taking public speaking lessons from Dana Carvey? What am I talking about? Yahoo! Headline Box, if you please:• Bush says he had glimpse into Merkel's soul
For background, "Merkel" is the Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel. "Bush" is our President, George W., who we all wish would stop peeking into people's souls and go back to listening to that voice in his head that he thinks is the voice of God.
Is it just me, or does the President have some gender issues? Between staring at Angela Merkel's soul and knowing Harriet Miers' heart (all those months ago), it seems that the President has been watching a little too much Lifetime. Is he campaigning for Best Boyfriend Ever or something?
Hopefully this is all a precursor to the President's Carnak The Magnificent routine. "I have glimpsed into Chancellor Merkel's soul, and the answer is 'Rip Taylor, a three-legged elephant and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir'."
Posted by mrbrent at 02:56 PM
May 05, 2006
america's funniest al-zarqawi videos
Yesterday, US Command upped the ante in its war in Iraq against... well, against those people we're fighting against, I guess. Previously unreleased footage of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi generally being an oaf was shown by the Pentagon, unveiling the new Department of Defense war strategy -- if you can't beat them, make fun of them and call them names.That'll show 'em. I predict a precipitous drop in Iraqi evildoer morale, punctuated with guffaws and knee-slapping.
Just wait 'til the DoD releases video of al-Zarqawi falling off a Segway and walking into a door.
If only they can find the elusive footage of Al-Zarqawi choking on a pretzel, then this war will be over.
(Yes, I hate America. But I love a rainy night, so, whatcha gonna do?)
Posted by mrbrent at 10:40 AM
May 04, 2006
the terrah! the terrah!
Amidst this morning's headlines: TERROR ALERT! ABC breaks the story yesterday, and then it hits the wires. Even the redoubtable Matt Drudge gets his sap flowing: "U.S. Mass Transit On Alert..."Obviously, millions of Americans have packed up the kids and pointed the station wagon for some place that has neither mass transit systems nor hurricanes, sagely heeding the wise words of the Department of Homeland Security.
But no. Even the A.P. can't muster the gumption to fake it anymore. The lead paragraph:
WASHINGTON - U.S. mass transit systems should remain alert against possible terror attacks, the Homeland Security Department said in a new warning that highlighted suspicious activity at unnamed European subway stations last fall.
(Yes, italics are mine.)
For the record, last fall was six to eight months ago.
I remember those rosey fake terror alerts of 2002 and 2003 (especially 2004!), and there was no way that a wire service was going to hamstring the terror alert in the lead paragraph.
Though I suppose further congrats are in order to Colbert. Stephen, you got your own terror alert!
Posted by mrbrent at 09:53 AM
May 03, 2006
admin fiddles while you sneeze, die
The Yahoo! Headline Container says the darndest things:• Chaos feared in U.S. pandemic flu plan
My friend, it took the Administration time and money to insert chaos into the birdflu plan, and all you can do is complain.
Of course, if you actually examine this birdflu plan, you see that it is a perfect example of the Bush Administration's efficacy in meeting the needs of a population. To wit, the plan is to pretend like nothing happening until it's well too late, and then blame the Clinton Administration. (If the blame doesn't stick, why, then, it's the Carter Administration's fault!)
It is not dissimilar to the old plan to deal with a hurricane hitting New Orleans, though officials are still refining the plan to target poor neighborhoods for ignoring/blaming.
Posted by mrbrent at 04:53 PM
stephen colbert
I would like to throw my two cents into my hat w/r/t Stephen Colbert. (I find it's always best to address an issue a few days after it's been talked to death -- no need to waste time looking up links that way.) Mr. Colbert has become a popular topic of conversation around the water coolers of the Internet (and in real life, too!) for his savaging of the Bush Administration and everyone else inside the Beltway at last Saturday's White House Press Correspondent's dinner.It truly was an awesome sight. Really. If you haven't seen it, or at least read the transcript, go right now.
First, I'd like to edit some of the debate that has swirled. This would specifically be the funny/not funny debate that is ticky-tacking between those whose feelings were hurt by Colbert and those whose spirits were lifted. Obviously, those who disapprove of Colbert's performance weigh in on the "not funny" side. Unfortunately, I'm deleting this eddy, this sub-argument, from the discourse. It is irrelevant, and a waste of everyone's time.
Funny, sadly, is entirely subjective. There is no objective arbiter of funny. Hell, in some native American cultures, the number of completion is seven. Seven! As in, "Seven priests walk into a bar..." Whether or not something is funny is not something to waste bandwidth on. Instead, argue which Darren on "Bewitched" was better, or argue your favorite color. (Dick York, green.)
Besides, if the best comeback you can come up with is, "It was stupid, it wasn't funny, Colbert bombed," then you are pretty much conceding defeat. And yes, your lower lip quivering indicates that you are about to cry.
So no more hoo-hah about the inherent humor of Colbert's speech. Focus on whether it was appropriate, or whether the accusations implied are accurate (does the President stage photo ops? did the Hindenburg have deck chairs?). Or let's discuss whether Colbert's address was news or not.
Let's see.
A man not only gets within loogie-range of the most important man in the world but also says fifteen plus minutes of very hurtful (but true) things to said important man. Without getting tackled and shackled by the Secret Service. I'd say meets the most stringent definition of "news". Period.
Of course, the President also spoke at this event. With a dude that impersonates him. They did a little "thinking out loud" routine. It was "cute". Now that's news, Elizabeth Bumiller.
Posted by mrbrent at 10:17 AM
May 02, 2006
down with law, loyalty
I thought yesterday was a success. It was a day of law and loyalty, and also without immigrants. (Or, 'an immigrant,' as I've seen in some places.) And for once, everybody was happy -- all loyal, lawful and immigrantless!Accordingly, since today is presumably with immigrants, I look forward to enjoying a day without law and loyalty. Surely, the inverse relationship between immigrants, on the one hand, and law and loyatly, on the other, will keep us bouyed for months.
In Canada, every day is a day without law and loyalty. That's why they cool.
Posted by mrbrent at 10:24 AM
May 01, 2006
happy law day
President Bush has decided that May 1 should forever be known as "Too Many Days Day". In addition to the European happy (Western) sad (Eastern) May Day and the more recent, ominous Day Without Immigrants, the President has proclaimed May 1 as "Law Day".From the proclamation:
Our system of separation of powers has safeguarded our liberties and helped ensure that we remain a government of laws. Law Day is an occasion for us to celebrate our Constitution and to honor those in the judiciary and legal profession who work to uphold and serve its principles.
It reminds one of the office funny guy who makes the "jerking off" motion to his mates as he conducts a serious speaker-phone conversation. Or maybe the "blowjob" motion. Or even the "flick one's own nipples while strutting and crossing eyes" motion.
How do you suppose the President will celebrate Law Day? Making coffee for Dick Cheney? Wire-tapping Stephen Colbert? "Deciding"?
Oh, right -- by breaking laws.
Maybe, if we're lucky, "Lawday!" will someday supplant "Mayday!" as the thing you say as your airplane is about to crash.
[LATER, BACK AT THE RANCH:] Um, it seems that Law Day was not enough? The Administration also proclaims May 1 as Loyalty Day?
Loyalty Day?
I'm having a hard time believing this. Surely this was ginned up by some freaking intern.
[Via Wonkette.]
Posted by mrbrent at 12:53 PM
keith richards
Yes, I come late to Keith Richards. It is only natural that Monk would beat me to it. I would say that Monk has probably been writing monologue jokes for half his life just in case Keith Richards fell out of a palm tree while climbing to fetch a coconut.Me, I've been waiting half my life just to type, "Keith Richards fell out of a palm tree while climbing to fetch a coconut."
Further, I'd like thank Mr. Richards, on behalf of "The Blogosphere", for providing content that rises above the political. Yes, I believe that Red-Staters, Blue-Staters and even those nauseating Purple-Staters can all agree: Keith Richards fell out of a palm tree while climbing to fetch a coconut.
Posted by mrbrent at 09:57 AM