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October 20, 2006

mets lose right to lose to tigers

This is the obligatory post about the Mets losing.  It sucked.  But who among us hasn't watched, bat on our shoulder, as strike three wafts across the plate, stranding three runners in the bottom of the ninth?  For me, it's the story of my freakin' life.

And if that's not enough to take the "TGI" out of "TGIF", consider this -- tag is being banned from American schoolyards.  The reason?  Fear of litigious parents.  Please, share in the nausea I feel:

"If the hands come out to touch, then the supervisors ask them to stop," McCarthy principal Joan Vodoklys was quoted as saying in the Boston Herald on Friday. "What we require is that children do not touch each other."

Yep, we should be lookin' at a pretty healthy crop of young adults in ten years time.

Posted by mrbrent at 12:51 PM

October 19, 2006

thinking about posting

Do I ever link up Deadspin?  I know, it's kind of ubiquitious, but still, I do spend a measurable portion of my surfing day there, if only to wash the taste of politics from my eyes.

And it's good for you, too!  For example, this long conversation is exactly the reason I have been listless and postless today.  (Sorry, Soosan -- M-E-T-S- Mets Mets Mets!)  And yes, I hope that by referencing Game 7, I am in no way jinxing Game 7.

The next time I am listless and postless, I will just link up this shit here.

Posted by mrbrent at 6:01 PM

October 18, 2006

homophobe beware

Sometimes, I go against type and bring with the good news.  I know, I'm more loveable when I'm cranky old Grampa-Boy, but some good news I cannot remain cranky inna face of.

Like this good news -- undercover cops snuggle to bust gay-basher.

Govern yourself accordingly, gay-bashers of the Greater Metropolitan Area.  Use ta be all you had to worry about was when the day would come that a Big Gay Dude put you in the back of an ambulance.  Now, you also get to lose sleep over Shitbird City.   Word.

I love it when evil gets out-sneakied.

Posted by mrbrent at 3:06 PM

he burns the constitution to win yer love

I let the signing of the morally-bankrupt torture bill pass yesterday without comment.  Sometimes, without a straw man, it's hard to find the words to say.  If only someone had walked into my office and snarled, "Morally-bankrupt?  Is there anything more moral than visiting pain upon terrorists?"  Then I'd have a nice launching off point.  I could start with basic precepts of morality, and then move on to the futility of my career and the shittiness of my neighbors, etc., etc.

But why wait for a straw man when you have the President of the United States of America?

"The bill I sign today helps secure our country and it sends a clear message," Bush said. "This nation is patient and decent and fair, and we will never back down from the threats to our freedom."

I've read a good portion of the bill that was signed into law, and I'm familiar with it in its entirety.  If someone can point me out the patience, fairness and decency provisions, I'll make them sausage gravy and biscuits, in the kitchen of their choosing.  No, the provisions I remember are the suspension of habeas corpus provisions, the allowance of waterboarding and hypothermia provisions and the "no Federal Court shall have jurisdiction over this law" provisions.  I like to think of them as the "Bald Abrogation of the Constitution" provisions.

I remember a time when a lie had to be at least a smidge predicated on the truth.  And I'm not exactly old.

However, I have serious doubts that this abortion of a legislation will stand judicial review in four different ways, even from Bush's hip-pocket circuits and the SCOTUS.  But this is a conversation to have over wine, with legal scholars.

The press characterized yesterday as a "victory" for the President.  I really don't think so.  If it is, it's the "enough rope with which to hang oneself" sort of victory.

Posted by mrbrent at 8:36 AM

October 17, 2006

saddam: gimme somebody!

I think that all I want to do is sit around and write headlines.  My friends in the "journalissimo" industry tell me that the dude responsible for that would be the "copy editor", whatever that is.  Hopefully, it pays, because I would like it to be all "the Cuervo Gold/the fine Columbian" from here on out.

Take, for example, this headline, from the A.P.:

• Saddam attacks prosecution witnesses

I wish that I would have written that.  You see, I grew up watching Burt Reynolds films of the 70s, and there is no image I would like to project into the mind of the newsreader more than that of Saddam, Burt and Terry Bradshaw getting thrown through the courtroom window, into the street, laughing with each other.  And then James Best smiles and spits a tooth out.  Turns out those bar stools in the gallery of the courtroom don't hurt at all!

Though I would have maybe inserted "gropingly" between "attacks" and "witnesses".

And I truly can't wait to write the headline for this.  It will contain the words "Victory" and "Freedom", and the subhead will be "Polls Open Tomorrow".

Yes, we will be making tonight a wonderful day from now on, with my "copy editing".

Posted by mrbrent at 9:32 AM

October 16, 2006

dumb congressmen

You may remember Holly Martins.  Back in the good old days, Holly would chip in a post or two for Wonkette during the Ana Marie Cox tenure (before Ana Marie Cox went all Dennis-Miller for the Man).  It was the good stuff, concise, funny, knowledge-y.

Apparently, Holly has taken on a new gig in the long-form realm.  (Aren't they called "features" or something?)  Please read Holly's latest, about America's dumbest representatives.  No, it's not a reality tv show, though now it probably will be.  It's old-fashioned mean-spirited funny, in a bipartison vein.  After all, the GOP may have evil locked down, but on banality and venality, it's open season in the Congress.  The only questionable aspect about this very funny piece -- it's on Radar, but a gig's a gig, I guess.

How can you not enjoy a piece of writing making fun of actual dumb people?

Posted by mrbrent at 11:35 AM

October 15, 2006

snark in the hinterlands

I was driving through Maryland on US 15 last Friday.  Somewhere around Hansonville, I think, I passed a diner, or, more likely, a "family restaurant".  It was called the Shamrock, or the Cloverleaf.  I was going pretty fast, and I didn't compute the name of the restaruant as much as I did the featured special noted on a sign in front of the restaraunt:

Roast Duck
With Mango Salsa

No, I don't know if they meant it like it reads either.

Posted by mrbrent at 3:53 PM