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December 22, 2006

happy happy

It's the silly season, and the deepest thought I can muster these days is, "That cost how much?"  (Which means I'm living in some weird Lockhorns/Andy Capp mashup reality, but, hell, damn the rolling pins, full speed ahead.)  There will be traveling and what-not in the next week, but hopefully the idyllic environs of the Lehigh Valley and the greater Mid-Atlantic region will supply me with little ironies and miscellania worth reporting.  Stranger things have happened.

In case inspiration fails, or access/motive is spotty, happy and safe holidays to you brave and attractive readers who click on over every once in a while.  If I could hug you all, in some non-creepy way, I would.

And please take with you this little story, which is perhaps my favorite DUI-bust news item I've ever ever read.  No, it's not exactly a Christmas DUI-bust story, but if you read down to the "Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer!" part, imagine the (alleged) perp wearing a Santa hat.

[Via the good people of Worcester, who get the special shout-out.]

Posted by mrbrent at 12:26 PM

December 20, 2006

virgil goode's wall treatments

So, this Congressman from Virginia wrote a crazified letter to a constituent.  Congressdude's name is Virgil H. Goode, which is as Faulknerian as it gets, yes?  Wonkette got a hold of this letter, and naturally had some smart/snarky things to say about it.

(Basically, Rep. Goode accuses fellow Rep. Larry Ellison -- a Muslim, as it turns out -- of being some kind of illegal alien and accordingly a threat to the Virginian/American way of life.  Just another exhibit of the United States' assault on anything even approaching a baseline intelligence/sensibility.)

However, Wonkette did not pullquote what is perhaps the only section of Rep. Goode's letter which should be appearing on T-shirts, or on posters with images of kittens hanging off of tree branches:

My response was clear, “As long as I have the honor of representing the citizens of the 5th District of Virginia in the United States House of Representatives, The Koran is not going to be on the wall of my office."

I'm not sure what "on the wall" means in the ultrahip idiom of the U.S. Congress, but I sure hope it's something sexy.

Posted by mrbrent at 11:56 AM

December 18, 2006

man of the what?

My first instinct was to congratulate myself.  After all, how often do I get a chance to do that? a  But first instincts are not trustworthy, so let's explore plan b.

Beware, denizens of the Internets!  While you may have been declared Person Of The Year by Time magazine, do not give in to temptation.  Some have surmised that Time's decision is some kind of cop-out -- kind of like taking your family on vacation over the holidays so that neither set of grand-parents will feel slighted.  The decision could even be construed as a bone thrown to the new media, a bouquet of flowers from the old medium, saying, "Please send us more Ana Maria Coxes, so that we may burnish our credibility."

Not so, I say.

In fact, this decision by Time is a social experiment.  This morning, the news broke.  Today, a million or so citizens with online presence will post some iteration of "I guess I should congratulate myself."  And if enough of us post this, then Time will have proven that we are about as difficult to control and manipulate as a busfull of third graders.

Our designation as "Man Of The Year" is a virus.  Load up on your Vitamin C and Zinc.  Ponder instead the oddly warm weather, or the looming post-season of the American Sport of Football.

a  Of course there are many opportunities in the course of a day to congratulate oneself, ranging from completing an assignment, feeding the cat, or even communicating one's feelings to one's partner.  Maybe even finishing and publishing a little post on one's little blog.  The possibilities are, as they say, endless.  I just don't want anyone to worry that I am not congratulating myself.  Really, I am relentlessly self-congratulatory.

Posted by mrbrent at 11:22 AM