« December 21, 2014 - December 27, 2014 | Main | January 4, 2015 - January 10, 2015 »

January 2, 2015

happy new year

As it is two days into the new year I feel like (see below) that there should be something a little bit pithy occupying this space, something about some current event that's not purely politics, something maybe a little hopeful.

But I don't know if it's because most of the media has taken this week off, but the news has seemingly also taken this entire week off.  I mean, other than the continuing stream of odd but brutal crimes, more often than not committed in Florida, the flow of news has receded to a thin trickle.

So nothing pithy at all.  Just Happy New Year to you all, and let's cross our fingers that 2015 will be just like 2014 but without all the suck.  Health, happiness, etc. — go get all that good stuff.

["I feel like..."  If there's anything like a resolution for me this year, it is to never ever use that turn of phrase again.  It's passive aggressive, and in the full context of things, what does it matter what you/I "feel"?  This is not the proper venue for feelings, I say!  And with that, I feel like I've said my piece.]

Posted by mrbrent at 11:09 AM

December 30, 2014

on melty cheese

A minor quibble.

I noticed, thanks to my sad history of listening to sports radio when walking the little dog, that commercials for Quick Service Restaurant Franchiser Subway are employing a little linguistic quirk that is either too cute by half, genius or both.

Apparently, according to the copy describing the breakfast sandwiches vended by these franchises, which may or may not be a "full-on flavor free-for-all" — presumably that would be in the eye of the beholder? — "melty" is now a word.  Take it, Steak, Egg White & Cheese:

No matter what side of the bed you wake up on, you'll love this. Yummy egg with tender and delicious steak. All covered in melty cheese on freshly baked bread. Oh, what a beautiful breakfast.

Indeed.  And notice the only fake word in those four sentences is the offending "melty" — which, one would presume would be a typo for "melted" or a [sic] at the very least.  Because, between you and me, "melty" is not a word, nor will it ever be a word.  It is the sort of thing that someone might have said to be funny, ten or fifteen years ago, maybe in a Homer Simpson voice.  But: not a word, and in fact the intended word is so close in spelling and pronunciation to this fake word that it is a puzzlement as to why it is ever used in the first place.

However, perusing the rest of the food products offered, note that the Big Hot Pastrami Melt, which would seemingly be the perfect opportunity to reference this melty cheese, does not.  No, this "monument to flavor" comes with plain old "melted cheese" wedged somewhere in there between the bread and the meat product.  So maybe just the breakfast products are bestowed the privilege of "melty"?  Maybe "melty" is some sort of distillation of breakfast, which we purchase in a spotless franchise and eat in our cars, beaming?

Not the case!  No, the Black Forest Ham product, a lunch/dinner offering, is also hit with a "melty".  So whether this copywriter contrivance is the future or a party foul, we do know for sure that is it implemented in an irregular fashion.

Best I can figure out, whatever counts as the braintrust for the marketing division of parent company of the franchiser Subway (named, interestingly enough, Doctor's Associates Inc.) spent a couple million dollars on researching Fake Words That Make People Purchase Sandwich Products and/or Quick Service Restaurant Franchise Contracts.  Either that or Dave Eggers is moonlighting.

Posted by mrbrent at 9:56 AM