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January 14, 2005

some won't find this funny

A few days ago Antigeist was wondering what to call this decade.  Like, the period from '90 to '99, well, we called it the Nineties.  For obvious reasons.  And, for equally obvious reasons, this decade, with that silly zero, is hard to name.

My recommendation: Weimar.

Posted by mrbrent at 3:54 PM

i can't stop

After tension, then release.
• Probe sends back data from Saturn's moon

I anxiously await filthy data from Saturn's mom.

Posted by mrbrent at 1:20 PM

get off saturn's mom, bitch

Maybe it's early, and it's certainly probably only me.  Top story, Yahoo Box O' Headlines this morning:
• Probe enters atmosphere of Saturn's moon

That last "o" and the "n" in "moon" sure do look a lot like an "m", at a glance.

And now I am cheered enough for two hours of dayjobbery!

Posted by mrbrent at 9:43 AM

January 13, 2005

he walks the land of enormous teens

Yesterday, President gave a drive-by/speech at a high school in Falls Church, VA.  He discussed the No Child Left Behind Act, and how a rose by any other name still leaves no child behind.

However, it appears that the thrust of his remarks was how he intends to "strengthen our schools" by building giant, impenetrable lockers.

Posted by mrbrent at 11:41 AM

January 12, 2005

note funny spelling

Kev in the UK just dropped another line, and link as follows:

"My favourite Royal.  This guy is going to keep the tabloids in work for the next century."

Holy schamoly, I say.

Posted by mrbrent at 6:20 PM

more on chertoff

Two things to add now that the Chertoff nomination is a day old.  (Consequently, look for Robert Ludlum’s “The Chertoff Nomination” in a bookstore near you.)

First of all, yesterday I called him “legitimate and qualified”.  While I will stand by the original assertion – “legitimate” as in not fucking Judith Regan, and “qualified” as in having had any law enforcement job other than Giuliani’s chauffer – doubts have been raised concerning Michael Chertoff’s true fitness for the job of Secretary of Homeland Security.  Apparently, Chertoff was outgoing AG Ashcroft’s 9-11 investigators, recommending all kind of indefinite detainments that made civil libertarians cringe.  Also, Chertoff was a lead prosecutor for the Moussaoui trail, which, as we remember, was less of a serious dispensing of justice and more of a clowny clown clown laff-o-lympics.

Second, Kev in the UK has written to ask for some Photoshop assistance, as he is convinced that Chertoff has more than a passing resemblance to Osama bin Laden.  After a little clicking around, I have determined that Kev is correct, and would even add that the resemblance is “uncanny”.  Unfortunately, I’m not one that goes in for creating funny jpegs.  So, Kev, no assistance in these parts.  But, when the funny Chertoff/bin Laden forwards start flying, keep in mind that Kev was there first.

So, Chertoff as Homeland Security head: color me opposed!  Or whatver.  Is that shrill enough?

Posted by mrbrent at 12:49 PM

January 11, 2005

they are ringed around us like lamprey

In the course of my day-jobbery, I came across this:
Note: Our offices will be closed Jan. 20, Inauguration Day.

No, it's not from the Yahoo Headline Container, though, I wish.  It's from the home page of the U.S. Copyright Office's website.

I'm all for paid days off.  They are "like buttah", which is a useful phrase for me, as I happen also to like butter, as a comestible.  It's a certain mark of status of having worked for the Man in one of His various guises long enough that the Man wishes to ply you with goodies in order to dull your spirit and break your will.  A paid day off is right up there for me with extravagant and boozy office dinners.

But I wasn't aware (and maybe I wasn't paying attention) that Inauguration Day was one of the standard days to give the staff the day off.  Maybe it is some kind of non-partisan DC custom.  Regardless.  It sucks.

The Inauguration is a wholly political process -- "political" in the very small, petty "p" sense.  It's not a celebration of anything other than the victory of one candidate and his party over all the other candidates and parties.  It's a victory lap.  I see no compelling reason to shut the federal goverment down for a day just so some old white guy can swear on a stack of bibles and then reward his many contributors with rattlesnake nachos and 38 Special concerts.  And I object doubly -- triply, even -- to any inside-the-beltway mandatory day of drunken hooky on which I still have to comply with alternate side parking rules.

And in light of this grotesque hubris, forcing the District of Columbia to pay for expenses out of its Homeland Security allocations, the Inauguration is starting to resemble a giant fuck-you to America.  They're gonna have themselves a little party, and they don't see why everyone else shouldn't pay for it.  Hell, they'll even give the drones the day off so they can share in the intoxicating swell of self-congratulation.  They've got a mandate.  Fifty million people voted for them to misappropriate public funds in whatever way that stikes them as funny.

Not to mention the obiousness of throwing a conspicuous display of onsumption in the face of the ongoing deaths of soldiers in a poorly prosecuted war ill-conceived, and a natural disaster resulting in the deaths of thousands.

But, hey, cheerleaders form a human pyramid seven or eight times a day, so, why the fuck not, right?

May the inaugurated be worried by giant Gambian rats.

Posted by mrbrent at 6:22 PM

this man is no bernie kerik!

Today, President Bush forewent a flashy aerial attack for a solid short-yardage running game in announcing his pick for Homeland Security chief, Michael Chertoff.  Chertoff, a former federal prosecutor and current federal appellate court judge with the 3rd U.S. Court of Appeals in Philadelphia, seemingly is everything Bernard Kerik wasn't -- qualified and legitimate.

Not that anybody's about to give Chertoff a free pass.  (Well, Congress might.)  Behold his sinky-eyed phizz!  Happily for us in the part-time business of making fun, he is a man who looks like the physical embodiment of Dick Cheney's soul.

Chertoff also favors us with a head-scratching quote, referring to outgoing Homeland Security burgermeister Tom Ridge: "He leaves some very deep shoes to fill."

Um.

Apparently, Chertoff knows something about Ridge's feet that I don't want to.

Posted by mrbrent at 10:47 AM

January 10, 2005

sledge-o-matic

I've long had a sad fascination with Gallagher.  You know, Gallagher, the peppy stand-up comic with the watermelons, and the sledgehammers, and the zaniness.  Some people claim a "sad fascinations" is actually an "ironic detachment", like those hiplers have.  (Hipners? Hipburgers? I forget the nomenclature).  But that is not what I have.  No Gallagher videos in my house, no home decorations made to resemble Gallagher.  I've just always pondered the success of his energetic but innocuously bad comedy act.

Happily, before I could ever entertain "where is he now" thoughts, the question is answered.  [Sadly, link via Fark.]

Gallagher is bitter.

I'm a little bit shocked that serendipity remains in good working order.

Posted by mrbrent at 1:40 PM

i'm not atrios, but ah loove the passion

Wonkette is funnier than I am.
Awesome.  Now can we talk about where Bush actually was in 1972?

For a girl.

Posted by mrbrent at 11:08 AM

meet the what

If I get all bunched up about "Meet The Fockers" being a gigantic success, does that make me some kind of cultural imperialist?

And further, is being a cultural imperialist wrong?  I mean, part of the reason that many of us moved to NYC is because the culture is better here.  Sure, I miss having a porch, and bargain matinees, but I don't miss having only two possible things to do on any given night (with one of them being stand-up comedy, inevitably).

Don't know why my sensibilities are so offended by "Meet The Fockers" -- I've got no problem with anyone making a buck, and I'm more than happy to plonk my money down for Big Hollywood Films.  Like the "Spider-Man"s, the "Matrices".  Pop culture candy, you get the idea.  I guess that something seems duplicitous about "Fockers".  Never trust a movie entitled "[Bad Pun]".  Also, the casting indicates cinematic importance -- at least the older half of the cast -- like a "Godfather" sequel that would be good, and it's all wasted on a light comedy.

Well, an extremely lucrative light comedy!

It may just be commodification, but it feels like betrayal if you squint.

Posted by mrbrent at 9:23 AM