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May 23, 2008

if you're not vacationing yet your clock is broken

Alright, time to close out another, well, week before the week in which I may commence wearing white.

And as it is now kinda summertime, I'm thinking maybe that the reason that the Mets are having their troubles is that I have not yet mentioned them here in the electronic print.  If you follow the Mets, you know what troubles I'm talking about.  If you do not, it's like this: the Mets, who in 2006 played like they wanted a chicken wing, are having a harder time than usual playing like they want a chicken wing.  So with this reference I am asking you Mets to stop playing like someone is holding your children hostage, and to start playing like you want a chicken wing.  (Except for Carlos Delgado, who can only be helped by playing golf -- year round.)

Oh, and when was the last time you liked a music video?  Was it five seconds from now?  [Via Griz]

Wait, did I leave the toaster oven on?  Again?

Posted by mrbrent at 3:20 PM

rat on a cat on a dog

This is what my week has been like: like a rat on a cat on a dog.

And I'm not even gonna add the obligatory meta snark about how this little hunk of viral bla bla bla novelty deficit bla bla exclamationy points bla journalismistic integrity bla bla.

Because this week has been like a rat on a cat on a dog.  But less cute.

Posted by mrbrent at 10:21 AM

May 22, 2008

and yet cynically i write about it

In our never-ending quest for novelty, we swarm the quirky little newsbits like ants.

For example, an ado has swirled up, as a professor from Wisconsin will not abide the franking of an old Jack Kirby cover by a New Yorker cartoonist.  Now, I love the Jack Kirby as much as the next oldguy comic geek, but, I think if there is anyone that should apologize to the ghost of Jack Kirby for overstepping the bounds of franking, it would be the ghost of Roy Lichtenstein.

Sorry, professor from Wisconsin, but we're a busy busy place.  You and I are fellow travelers on the Kirby knack, but next scene nonetheless.

But mostly, professor, sorry that you have to see your name in the papers in this context, but that's the price you pay for being novel.

Posted by mrbrent at 10:47 AM

May 21, 2008

michael savage is a fake-named piece of shit

I've been trying to avoid the negativity all day, but then I came across the following bit of assholery that put a crimp in my sweet good afternoon -- in the wake of Sen. Ted Kennedy's diagnosis with brain cancer, radio host Michael Savage yuks it up, like so:
You know I'm playing the Dead Kennedys not to mock Ted Kennedy.  It's just appropriate, that's all.

And then goes on for there.

I'm pretty sure that I'm on the record that Savage is a man not worthy of his daily allotment of oxygen, but mocking someone with terminal cancer -- and it is terminal, my family had to go a few rounds with this cancer -- screams right past the pale.

And even more galling is Savage employing the "I'm not trying to [X], but [Y] trope", where [X] equals offensive behavior any reasonable person would avoid, and [Y] equals gleeful embrace of said behavior.  Which makes him a fucking coward on top of being reprehensible.

Fuck him, and his fans.  Just, fuck him.  He's not worth anything more elaborate than that.

Posted by mrbrent at 3:55 PM

eff you bad news

OK, yesterday was the worst fucking day, and I wish there was somehow to beat up such bad days, because these bad days are just asking for it, boy.

It was one of those days where I came to with my fingers on the keyboard with a horrifying weepy overshare and then I got a nasty case of the willies and the post became yet another bit of toothpaste to try to put in the tube.

So we brush it off, at the risk of sounding sexist.  Have some funny to start the day.

Posted by mrbrent at 10:10 AM

May 20, 2008

happy cuban independence day

I need a better calendar -- one with all the little holidays that you never hear about until the day of.  Because, according to the Yahoo! Container of Headlines:
• McCain to mark Cuban Independence Day with attack on Obama

Which would lead me to believe that today is Cuban Independence Day.  And I didn't even realize that Cuba had been liberated yet!

But let's all join together and celebrate our Cuban Independent heritage in the traditional fashion, the way that Independent Cubans, like Sen. John McCain, celebrate, and the way that our Independent Cuban/McCain ancestors have always celebrated -- by attacking Obama.

Now, are we supposed to be drinking rum, or is there some kind of Cuban Independent gin I should go get?

Posted by mrbrent at 7:46 AM

May 19, 2008

actually, 'get off my lawn' was not a bad title for this

If there is going to be a war between the age-based demos, let me suggest that this article is the equivalent of opening fire on Gen Y's Fort Sumter.  It is a Radar feature written by Robert Lanham, and I approve.

First, the piece isolates the threat:

What's more, Millennials pose a vital threat to my [and my] generation's cultural legitimacy, not to mention our position in the workplace.  A recent article in Time warns: "Older workers—that is, anyone over 30—need to know how to adapt to the values and demands of their newest colleagues.  Before too long, they'll be the bosses."

You see?  They're out to get us.

Then, Lanham paints the target:

Sure, Generation X survived AIDS, Reagan, the Cold War, Tipper Gore, and A Flock of Seagulls, but those adversities, suggest [smarty-pants authors of some book about Gen Y, Robert] Strauss and [Neil] Howe, pale in comparison to what Millennials face today.  Consider the stress of having to juggle a 30-hour work week while simultaneously maintaining Facebook, MySpace, and Flickr accounts.  It's enough to make your head spin!  And maybe the Millennials never faced Hitler's forces on the beaches of Normandy, but had they been around in 1944 (and had the technology existed), you can bet they would have blogged about it.

Plus, who could forget 9/11?  Not the Millennials.  With an oh-so-precious, post-ironic earnestness, they collectively transform into Giuliani and bring up 9/11 should you question their fortitude.

And finally the call to arms:

You've earned your retirement, boomers.  So rest assured that your babies are in good hands as you go.  As a member of the nowhere generation, now come of age, I'm proud to announce that our time has arrived.  We may not be the next Greatest Generation, but we're pretty good at calling bullshit.  So in the immortal words of Paul Davis: Cool wand.

Not to get too bogged down in the wartime metaphors, but I've got a few ploughshares that could be pounded into swords over this.

I have no specific beef with the Millenials -- I just find them unnerving.  I don't like their ambition, and I don't like the way they say hi in the morning.  Mostly, I'm just fulfilling my generational prerogative, which is to find one's successors annoying.  Nevertheless: we need to step on their heads before they reproduce.

Or, at the very least, wouldn't a harmless chairfight over nothing important distract us from our self-loathing while our twenty-five year-old overlords shitcan us?

Posted by mrbrent at 2:27 PM

michael medved, drunk on science

A little knowledge remains a very dangerous thing -- columnist/deep thinker Michael Medved reads two blowsy articles on genetics, and suddenly is an expert on how DNA makes Americans better than everyone else.  It's a fun read -- like your niece explaining how the sky is blue because rainbows don't like asparagus:
In today’s ruthlessly competitive international economy, the United States may benefit from a potent but unheralded advantage: the aggressive edge sustained by the inherited power of American DNA.

And then we smile, and chuckle, and-- but no he is not kidding!  He really thinks there is something that could be called "American DNA"!  And it affects something other than rapaciousness and obesity!  Because he read two articles!

But Americans are from all over the world, right?  Oh, are they ever:

The idea of a distinctive, unifying, risk-taking American DNA might also help to explain our most persistent and painful racial divide – between the progeny of every immigrant nationality that chose to come here, and the one significant group that exercised no choice in making their journey to the U.S. Nothing in the horrific ordeal of African slaves, seized from their homes against their will, reflected a genetic predisposition to risk-taking, or any sort of self-selection based on personality traits.

Oh yes he did.  So, Americans are better than everyone else, well, except for the black Americans.  Nothing objectionable about that -- it's science.

And then he wraps up by veering wildly into politics:

If [the authors of the two articles Medved read] and other analysts are right about the role of inherited traits and tendencies in shaping our national character then the insight carries crucial political implications.  Senators Obama, Clinton and other leaders who seek to enlarge the scope of government face more formidable obstacles than they realize.  Their desire to impose a European-style welfare state and a command-and-control economy not only contradicts our proudest political and economic traditions, but the new revelations about American DNA suggest that such ill-starred schemes may go against our very nature.

Because, see, we are hard-wired for a Republican, free-market, wealth-hoarding plutocracy, and it's a head-scratcher why we bother having elections at all.

Though, Medved actually does manage to beg a question (as opposed to raise one) -- if the genetic hero-machine that is the American brain makes one more likely to take risks to leave a bad situation, why are international waters not filled with fleeing Americans?

[Via Ask A Liberal.]

Posted by mrbrent at 9:05 AM