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May 27, 2005

link update

I just updated/mixed up the links a bit.  Like, does Wonkette really need to be linked?  I mean, I'll still hit Wonkette a few times a day, but, if the first you'd heard of it is on that sidebar over there, then you're not going to like it.  Waaaaay too serious.

And let me just say that if you like the more speculative writing that the Internets has to offer and you are not catching up with winky, then you are missing a very addictive bit of goodness.

Posted by mrbrent at 4:54 PM

something funny must rhyme with taibbi

Matt Taibbi kicks in with the last word on that damn Newsweek thing.  Well, the last word of Act One, Scene One.  I think this is perhaps the first word of the immediately following scene.

Taibbi, if you haven't heard me say it before, frequently writes the sentences that I wish I could, but don't.  He's published locally in the NY Press, which lately serves more use as a sentimental object than it does anything else.  I hope that when push comes to shove, Matt lands on his feet.

Posted by mrbrent at 11:25 AM

you hurt tom delay's feeling

I find it difficult to pass up a chance to mock and deride Tom DeLay.  So here is the link to the story you will see linked all over the place as the day progresses.  Why?  It's one of those stories in real life that reads like an Onion headline.

Tom DeLay has his panties in a bunch because a frustrated dectective (or, rather "detective character", to keep things in perspective) on the season finale of Law and Order quippingly refers to potential suspects in the homicide of two judges as "somebody in a Tom DeLay T-shirt".  Tom DeLay calls it a "slur".  And if there's not some apologizing pronto, he's going to redistrict network television.

Of course, the fact that Reuters is running a non-story (which originated with CNN?  Still looking) about some asshole crybaby writing a letter to the little men in the TV is only slightly more shocking when viewed in light of news that broke yesterday, also involving judges, but real flesh and blood ones.

Yeah, super deft, right?

Posted by mrbrent at 9:08 AM

May 26, 2005

nothing matters and so what if it did

The Yahoo! Geometric Headline Aggregator gets it wrong:
• Study: Cynicism takes hold in childhood

Um, how about the womb?

(Maybe the Forces of Righteousness would suggest that it starts at conception, but then I would see that ideological gambit and raise with, "Why don't we just call ovaries what they really are -- Long-Term Serial Cynicism Machines?")

(Look, my very own straw man!)

Posted by mrbrent at 11:58 AM

quickly, ha

I gotta stop linking the webites that already have the million or so eyeballs.  But Greg Beato just kills.

Posted by mrbrent at 10:58 AM

May 25, 2005

everybody's ex-something

Roy Edroso raises the issue of apostates in his always well written internets concern over here.  Well, he not so much raises the issue as he does gently mock it in a disarming way, and then, once it's confidence has been gained, slowly boil it to death like a frog.  But still.

Apostacy is fascinating, at least to me.  America has a complex relationship with the idea of ideological quitting, as well as it does with the converse idea of ideological escape.  Quitters never prosper, and if one is leaving, it's because one can't lump the heat in the kitchen.  And the act of decamping is rarely an amicable split due to irreconcilable differences, but instead a acrimonious brawl, soon followed by a complete disavowal, and petty mockery and ad hominem and all that good stuff.  It seems one can't walk out the door without setting the place on fire first.

Especially the apostate progressives.  (Or would that be apostate conservatives?  Maybe "progressives in an apostatic state of coservatism?)  Take for example Dennis Miller, who was a liberal smart-ass in his yout', and then got so terrified by the terror of 9-11 that he became a bitter old bastard overnight, reserving the choicest of his bile for those tree-hugging pantywaists he used to call "fans".  Or David Horowitz, former New Left editor of Ramparts who drank the kool-aid in the late 80s, transforming the scourge of the liberal media and its superannuated hippie management.  Both Miller and Horowitz didn't so much as leave the progressive movement and they did sneak-attack the progressive movement with a steel chair.  Roy sums up the phenomena quite nicely with this spot of motivation:

No, I didn't leave them, they left me.

The "and fuck 'em" that follows is unvoiced but unmistakeable.

Posted by mrbrent at 3:19 PM

stupid headline box

No, no solace today from the sometimes-comical Yahoo! Rectangular Headline Container:
• Senate confirms Owen as circuit court judge

Dammit, but there's no fun to be made of that at all!  That's just unrelenting bad news, impervious to the snarks and quips of yooo-muh.  Well, except, maybe, the following:

"Great.  But what does the Senate have to do with Wimbleton officials?"

"So, if the compromise was the long, slow, hard night of sweet, sweet love, then this is the walk of shame?"

No, I was right.  It's just not that funny, no, not at all.

Posted by mrbrent at 12:57 PM

no science made of babies

Yesterday, the President made his view on stem cell research known: "NO SCIENCE MADE OF BABIES!"

Of course, this was averred, with his steely president gaze, soon after the appropriate photo op.

Babies are cute and everything, but perhaps his point that life begins not at conception but actually at the point of creation of all matter (by the Creator, of course) could have been illustrated more clearly had the president dropped trou, grabbed the presidential nutsack and explained that no medical advance is worth a single one of the presidential babies now swimming around in this scrotum right here.

Failing that, maybe just add another baby.  Nothing explains the issues to the American people like photos of cute babies.

Posted by mrbrent at 11:11 AM

May 24, 2005

they are truly super friends

Wow, nothin' sexier than some hot senator-on-senator compromise action, is there?

I could watch those compromisin' senators all night long -- and I would, too, if I had the money!

I know that the senators in question are sometimes referred to as "the 14" (which goes to show what fun counting is), but I suggest something as redolent of pure pheromonal sexy hotness as the compromise is.  Something like "The League of Cool-Headed Really Old White Guys".

Posted by mrbrent at 8:54 AM

May 23, 2005

god hates a quitter

Last week I gave certain props to Newsweek.  ("Props" is short for "hand properties", as you know.)  I asserted that even retraction was badder-assed that everyone thought.

Which was probably was the case, as Newsweek had absolutely no bad-ass left over this week -- they got busted down to "spineless curs".

Newsweek. meet your new scandal response policy: duck for cover and apologize at anything that moves.  If it lasts more than a week, roll over and expose your naked throat, establishing unqualified surrender.  If all else fails, say hello to your new Washington Bureau Chief, Jeff Gannon.

Thanks for setting an example of contrition and capitulation to America's children, Newsweek.  Why don't you just skip the "no more single anonymous sources" rigamorole and go straight to "no news unless its contained in a press release"?

Posted by mrbrent at 12:27 PM

spooky kid

It starts out as an anecdote.  A weekend afternoon at a Pocono's cabin, a fellow-guest's 10 year old son (we'll call him "Dudeman") with a herpetological bent, the walk back from the lake.  So, Dudeman, after having caught some fish, is determined to obtain new samples of cold-blooded wildlife to take back to his parent's home for further studying, and, eventually, keeping as a pet.  The one rock he overturns has a copperhead under it.  A decent sized copperhead, which Dudeman calls a "beautiful baby copperhead".  Dudeman's dad grabs Dudeman, and hies both their asses away from the copperhead, which, as you know, is a stylishly poisonous snake indiginous to the Northeast.  Dudeman freaks the freak out -- screaming, crying, kicking trees, which mostly sounded like this:

"Whyyyyyyyyyyy?  Whyyyyyyyyyy?"

There, that is the anecdote.  Of course, the story goes on, deepens, complexifies, but the meat of it is Dudeman gettin' all "Whyyy?" over the most beautiful baby copperhead inna world.  But I have not come to mock an anonymous 10 year old -- though keeping the face straight at the time was a difficulty, especially in light of the memory of having been a 10 year old victim of the freak-out further fueled by the adults laughing at me.  After a day's distance, I think Dudeman's got his shit down.

"Whyyyyyyyyyy?" may seem impossibly melodramatic, but isn't it what we all say to ourselves, daily?  Isn't it what keeps us up at night?  Isn't it what fuels the global race to invent a bigger, badder, better singular creative forrce?  Dudeman nailed it; Dudeman hit it and quit.

This week is gonna be a big current events week, with Senate fights, Iraqi civil was, lobbyist corruption scandals and the goodwill tour of the last individual associated with the Bush administration who actually has any good will left, the First Lady.  And with it is gonna come a whole lotta "Whyyyyyy?"

So my hero for the week is Dudeman, and his eerily prescient freak out.  May being stymied in your hunt for cuddly poisonous snakes be the worst thing that happens to you.

Posted by mrbrent at 11:04 AM