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June 3, 2005

pol pot: laughing!

I thought I would stop obsessing about it after a good night's sleep.  Which did not happen.

You could say that economist/conservative/actor Ben Stein takes some liberties with cause and effect, but that's not how I would say it.  I would say it like this:

So Ben Stein and Cause & Effect are walking through a dark forest, in the middle of the night.  Cause & Effect, hugging her angora sweater to herself for warmth, says to Ben, "Gee, Mr. Stein, it sure is dark and scary walking through these woods in the middle of the night."  To which Stein responds, "You think it's scary?  I have to walk back alone."

[Via Blogoland, where I just discovered that, for Ben Stein, each day is a new opportunity to out-batshit the day before.]

Posted by mrbrent at 2:38 PM

asshat comix

Continuing my occasional fascination with excreble comic strips and books, I give you Umbert The Unborn.  Yeah, I know, it's just one picture, but it's all that's really available.  I guess the project never came to term, as they say.

The heads-up is the same heads-up you read about this morning at Wonkette.  They include the link to the actual website, which has been "under construction" for a couple of years, but apparently somewhere between the time that Wonkette posted the URL and now, the site got pulled.

Which is a shame, because if there is anything funnier than a wacky unborn fetus, well, then some "culture of life" we are.

Wait, maybe "snowflake babies" are funnier, but I think the zeitgeist is still out on that one.

Posted by mrbrent at 11:14 AM

June 2, 2005

obviously some freakin rocket scientist

The Yahoo! Section of Headlines is smarter than you are:
• California landslide blamed on winter rains

I know, some of you thought is was Newsweek's fault, and others of you thought it was David Gergen.  A few of you old timers out there blamed the Dodgers leaving Brooklyn, and I know at least two of you were hoping it was Rowdy Roddy Piper, though you realized that he has seen better days, what with his surgically replaced hip and all.

Me, I was betting on "silly people building houses on precarious hills", but it looks like it's "winter rains" by a nose.

Posted by mrbrent at 10:28 AM

June 1, 2005

"throat" is funnier than "deep"

Keith Olbermann noticed what all the other foolish mortals missed.  W/r/t Deep Throat, that is.

In a related note, I've been watching some X-Files reruns lately, so it's easy to feel that Keith's post is a personal shout-out to me.

I still say that I am Deep Throat.

[Minutes later:]  Bonus link for all you timewasters out there.  [Via Boing Boing]

Posted by mrbrent at 3:04 PM

didn't see this coming

I'm overdoing the Deep Throat posts so you don't have to.  Not even halfway through the day after and already we have demonstrable proof that moral gravity works.  Liddy and Colson come out to accuse Deep Throat of betrayal, in what amounts basically to, "And we would have gotten away with it too."  Or, more succinctly, "Mark Felt's Watergate leaks put us both in jail for crimes we were guilty of, which was bad for the country."  Or, "How dare he break the rules in the commission of curtailing our rulebreaking!"

Liddy suggests that Felt, as a law enforcement official, was ethically bound to report to the authorites instead of the Washington Post.  Of course, considering that burgulary mastermind Liddy and "the authorities" both answered to Richard M. Nixon, we can see where G. "Sour Grapes" Liddy's reasoning springs from.  Gangstas hate a snitch.  Also, taking into consideration that Felt was a Fed only a year removed from the direct supervision of the petty and corrupt rogue elephant J. Edgar Hoover, it is understandable that whistleblowing was considered an honorable option.

And Colson says that Felt could have avoided a national scandal that scarred a generation if Felt "had gone through normal channels", which channels would include, I'm guessing, the Committee to Re-Elect the President.  To Colson we say, silly rabbit!  Tricks are for kids!  Would you like some crazy fries with that, crazy person?

Seriously, though, it's great to see the national debate over Watergate reignited, considering that for decades decent Americans have been whispering that Nixon was railroaded (over call girls and methamphetamines).

Posted by mrbrent at 11:56 AM

oh yes i did

Yesterday, the nation (and, lo! the world) learned that W. Mark Felt is the most important 91 year old alive.  In fact, he is so important that they named a blowjob after him.

A very special blowjob.

Most shocking in the revelation that Felt was in fact Deep Throat was that the Washington Post got fucking scooped, man.  Ouch.  Only three men, all Posties, know the identity, and they get burned by Vanity Fair.  Which is like getting scooped by that dipshit from high school, the one with the sports car and the coke habit and the heiress girlfriend from out-of-state that he cheats on with just about anyone too drunk to care.  Yeah, it's like getting scooped by that guy.  Or perhaps it's more direct to say that it's like getting scooped by "Vanity Fair".

Second most shocking is that the White House Press Secretary hasn't yet complained that Deep Throat, as the most famous single anonymous source in history, is responsible for rioting in Afghanistan.

But the day is still young.

Posted by mrbrent at 9:18 AM

May 31, 2005

later, ding dong prostheletyze

Today, I learned two things.  First, that a reasonable appelation for the Forces of Righteousness who get all gay-hatey and "My-God-can-beat-up-your-God" is "Dominionists", deriving from their belief that man was created in God's image, and therefore men have dominion over the entire world, including wives and the whores that ineveitably follow.  Which is okay!  Because of their "Dominion".

Second, I learned that the Dominionists' evil plan for world, well, dominion is one of unrelenting creepy pranks:

[Presidnent of the Family Research Council Tony Perkins] tells a story about a late-night private tour of the Capitol in which he and a group of other pastors stopped and prayed over Hillary Clinton’s Senate floor desk.

All right, you guys -- who's the sucka who prayed all over my desk?  Good gosh, you can smell it from across the room!

I read all about it in a very nice article here  [Via This Modern World]

Posted by mrbrent at 2:23 PM

frist 08 -- no, seriously

New favorite tavern pissoir graffitti:  FRIST 08.

Oooh, that one makes me laugh pretty hard.

My days of personal acts of private property defacement are long gone, but I could while away a good couple months with "FRIST 08" and a Sharpie.

I mean, FRIST 08, dude!  I dare you to keep a straight face.

Posted by mrbrent at 11:07 AM

May 30, 2005

happy memorial day

Yeah, today is about remembering the fallen.  But in my neighborhood, today is more about little men of indeterminate origin (somewhere between Ratso-Rizzostan and East Loman) with cardboard boxes of knock-off caps with "USA" and flags on 'em bungeed to a rickety cart, wondering aloud where they could go to move more merch.  Sure, they're the colors that never run -- machine-washable!

Go get 'em, schlumpy little guys!

Posted by mrbrent at 3:24 PM