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January 12, 2007

additionally, cully stimson, your name is ridiculous

It's not every day that you see a story that hits your blind rage buttons at the same time.  After all, we've lived through six years of a deluge of atrocities, and your skin gets a little think to it -- "sometimes, you just gotta laugh!"  You know, some fuckers who believe that government should be so small that you can drown it in a bathtub manage to lose an entire American city, and you shrug, try to make some joke, hope that history judges these depraved pernicious morons on the level of Stalin, like they should be.

But this one's got me speechless.  Basically, some functionary of the Department of Justice threatened to blackmail law firms representing Gitmo detainees on a pro bono basis.

I could go on about fascism and presumption of innocence and which of the Founding Fathers is rolling over in which grave, but I will instead spend my time wishing some serious ill to befall some Bush Admin motherfuckers who disrespect not only the Constitution but also any moral code whatsoever.

Posted by mrbrent at 4:03 PM

it's about mark halperin, if you're wondering

I lost track of who is now the captain of the good ship Wonkette, but they've been on a spree.  (Yes, I realize I could check the masthead.  I won't!  You can't make me!)  As an example of Wonkette's deadly wit, I direct you to this specific post, and, by way of inducement, I reproduce the punchline below:
If you write a book about how much of a genius Karl Rove is, you might end up the last guy in Washington still pretending to enjoy the taste of Dan Bartlett’s cock.

Ahhh.  That is what we used to call a "Good One".  A pal of mine used to be the undisputed king of the Good Ones, and then he grew up and got a powerful job where's he's not allowed to swear at co-workers like he used to.  He can still bust out the Good One as good as any, so don't you kids get any funny ideas.

And as long as I'm linking indiscriminately, if you're like me and think that Malcolm Gladwell is a fraud (though you can't put your finder on why, and suspect that maybe your suspicions are in fact incipient professional jealousy), then you will enjoy this piece in which Maud Newton hangs Gladwell from a tree in a burlap sack and then beats him with a six iron.

Ahh, more things to make me happy.

Posted by mrbrent at 12:13 PM

January 11, 2007

president buckethead

I did watch the President's speech last night.  I was hoping to miss it, so then I could "liveblog" missing the speech ("Ordering a schwarma.  Five bucks.  Hot sauce, please..."), but alas, alas.

So instead, below please find a transcript of last night's speech, at least as far as I heard it:

My fellow Americans, I have a mop bucket stuck on my head.  The mop bucket was full of soapy water, so I speak to you, my fellow Americans, cold and wet.  Our greatest challenge, just as it was before I got this mop bucket stuck on my head, is to get my head out of this mop bucket.  And so, as a new way forward, I will get my left foot stuck in a different mop bucket, and then stumble around and flail wildly.  And I ask for your support, my fellow Americans, as I tumble down the basement stairs, with my head and my left foot stuck in separate mop buckets, accidentally invading Iran.  God night, and God bless America.

Actually, I didn't really hear that part about invading Iran.  I just threw it in their for a bit of verisimilitude.

Posted by mrbrent at 3:05 PM

forecast: partly stop that, with periods of eww

I'm not sure I like what the day has in store for me.  First, I hop the B train on the way to work, and some Glenn Beck-looking actuary shoves a little old Chinese lady out of the way for the last seat on the car.  Next, I switch to the E train, and a backpacking youth-hostel dude is clipping his fingernails -- somehow, loudly.  Finally, I'm walking down 24th Street, and some young couple is totally doing it in the front seat of a late-model gas guzzler, at roughly 10:12am.  Like, not in an alley or anything, but parked along the sidewalk.

Mercury must be in retrograde or some similar full-moon type event; the citizenry is acting all whack.

A good day to stay indoors, here in the office.

Posted by mrbrent at 10:37 AM

January 10, 2007

ayn rand not dead enough for me

Don't like that Ayn Rand, no I don't.  Never did.  I once had associates who bought into the Randian self-justifying wankery, and to them I say, "Tell the ends the means say, 'Hi,' you soulless jerks."  Ah, the days of spite and vitriol.

It is in this vein that I happily link to a modest take-down of the Ayn Rand Institute, who are sick of the premeditated evil of the social safety net -- sick of "society", as far as that goes, infringing on the right of the Randian to "do what thou whilst".

Watch yourselves when sharing an elevators with one of these delicate examples of a master race -- your wallet is impugning your money's right to be extracted by a third party.

Posted by mrbrent at 2:47 PM

no to perpetualizing low-scale warfare

I will throw my hat upon the chopping block.  Tonight, the President gives a national address to unveil his super-new idea to snatch victory from the jaws of the ever-diminishing other victories we've already claimed in Iraq, and I might as well give my opinion too, as we live in a world now fully-fueled by opinions.  So, then, here it is, my opinion:

We now know the answer to the question, "How do you ask twenty thousand soldiers to be the last soldiers to die for a mistake?"

There may well be an individual whose nuanced understanding of the social realities of the fractured Iraqi states and long study of sectarian motivations and disincentives would enable them to buck the opinion of more than seventy percent of US citizens polled and solve the US occupation of Iraq by throwing more soldiers at it -- I'm not that individual.  More importantly, nor is the President, and nor is any of his toadie advisors, each of whose most useful quality is their reluctance to tell the President bad news to his face.

The "laugh test" is an idiom I've over-used in the past couple years.  Fortunately, it's not my fault -- it's the fault of an administration whose refusal to past even one single laugh test imputes very bad motives indeed.

So let's all enjoy our "new way ahead" or our "adapting to victory" or our "retrofitting the quagmire" or whatever little lo-cal nonsense they come up with to further obfuscate the "surge".  I read that the President will give his speech announcing the escalation from the White House Library, so we all should watch the speech from some space equally as unlikely from our own personal perspectives.  (Sadly, you'll have to count me out, as I will be watching from the bar.)  Shh!  No sniggering in the library!

Posted by mrbrent at 9:29 AM

January 9, 2007

is that maple syrup i smell?

So Monky and I have been swapping links of interest.  Namely, in the interest of Weird Shit, which makes us geeks.  Geeks run the world now, right?  So then, yes, very much geeks.

What kind of Weird Shit?  Oh, you know -- weird things inna sky, mostly.  I tend to range a little deeper into the tin hat territory than Monk does, but here we are, two adult males in their late thirties, swapping news of anomalies like they were high school notes.

Though the number of anomalies is pretty impressive, at least in the timing.  I'm not one to presuppose any implications of this recent spate of sightings (and I actually don't know what Monk thinks of it, either), but I sure do prefer my world to come with a reasonable leavening of weirdness, and unknowable sky lights sure fits the bill for me.

If you prefer your ominous portents to have a little more meat on them, please refer to this handy bulleted list of more terrestrial oddities. 

And now start panicking!

(Sadly, I was a half hour too late to arrive in Manhattan to smell the Gas Smell of Doom yesterday morning -- though apparently it was very smelly, according to co-workers, and the birds of our neighborhood are safe.)

Posted by mrbrent at 10:25 AM