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January 6, 2007

this is my free time, right here

I was I was a big enough man to ignore the headlines whose syntax amuses me.  But I am not:
• Unseasonable weather jolts Northeast

Even in light of incipient global warming hysteria, I do not think that anyone in the Northeast was "jolted" by unseasonably warm weather as much as they were "convinced to wash car/wear shorts/sit in park, etc."

There must be extra points for action verbs in those musty halls in which the tired copy editors gather nightly?

In entirely unrelated news, Indianapolis jolted by Colts victory, while "A Night At The Museum" jolts its way to the top of the box office.

Posted by mrbrent at 11:23 PM

January 5, 2007

the fingerprints of marlon brando

Congratulations to you, my prurient friends.  Two of the individuals who are each responsible for a blog linked in the sidebar to the right e-mailed me to let me know that in my immediately preceding post, concerning the fate of the butter I keep here in my office fridge (which, FYI, I'm more than happy to share upon request), my repetetive use of certain words evoked a scene in a movie which I've never seen -- "Last Tango In Paris".

Apparently my relentless use of profanity has caused me to cross the line into indirect pornography.  To those of you who do not favor the pornography -- or perhaps those of you in a work environment -- please do not try to discern which three words are responsible for this.

Because that would be dirty, like my smut-minded friends.

Posted by mrbrent at 12:28 PM

January 3, 2007

please do not eat wolcott's butter

I've been accused of being overly aggressive.  At my place of employ this morning, I noticed that the amount of butter in the tub I keep in the employee fridge has been receding lately.  In light of the fact that I have not consumed any butter lately, I put a little note on the tub reading: "NOT YOUR FUCKING BUTTER/ASSHOLE".

For this, I am aggressive?

I can see how use of profanity in the workplace may be questionable, but really, it's not a notice I intend for everyone to read.  It's actually aimed only at him/her/them that might snag my butter with intent to use -- in which case, my note is a very personal note, perhaps identical to what I might say to his/her/their face(s) were I in the room with them at the time.

And it's much less aggressive than discovering who has been stealing my (fucking) butter and then identifying them in some public venue, like an office meeting, and then entertaining them with lengthy considerations of dormitories, personal responsibility and moral traits incompatible with continued employment.  Or even slapping my (fucking) butter out of his/her/their fat little hand(s), and then organizing a petition for banishment of the transgressor(s) from use of the office kitchen and the office bathroom, forever.

Besides, butter's bad for you, co-workers, haven't you heard?  There should be some margarine in there somewhere.

(Yes, this is all very Cathy of me -- but as you can tell from the lack of references to the ACLU, it's not Mallard Fillmore of me at all.)

Speaking of making fun of someone until they cry, could you imagine what might happen if someone was sneaking into the butter of James Wolcott?  Using this small example of his evisceration of some wingnut, I'd buy tickets for that.

Posted by mrbrent at 12:52 PM

January 2, 2007

seasonal boilerplate

This is the time of the year wherein it is customary to wish some "Happy New Year"-type message upon you.  So there; consider it done.

It is also my wife's birthday, but she doesn't always like that fact publicized, so pretend like I didn't tell you.  In fact, before you give her the gift, act all surprised, like, not only can you not believe that it's her birthday, but you also have a generally hard time believing that people have birthdays at all, so, whaaat?  Hey!  This is for you!  Something along those lines.  She should fall for that.

No end of the year recaps and no resolutions or predictions for the next year from me.  Currently, I'm somewhere around "keeping it between the yellow lines", so we'll keep it at that.

And in other news, after a lull of six or so months, the linkspammers have returned to the "referring links" portion of my webstats.  They used to be mostly gambling sites, with a few Eastern Bloc search engines sprinkled in.  This round, it is the porn links which have "linked to me".  Which is funny -- usually the porn concerns are the first to exploit the new technology (spam, for example).  They are late to the party for once.  But seriously, thanks to "thepornposter.com" and "shocking-virgins.net" for the generous links.

I couldn't do it without them.

Posted by mrbrent at 9:34 AM